Fear the Fall
by InoFan
Summary: NaruSaku. If love were easy, no one would ever feel pain. Naruto and Sakura have grown closer than ever, but never crossed the boundaries of friendship. This is a story of them coming together despite all obstacles, the strongest of which is the heart.
1. Healing Hands

Disclaimer: I woke up today, and realized Naruto isn't mine. I was greatly saddened. 

Notes: All the lovely reviews on my first NaruSaku made me want to write more. So here I am again! 

_If I could tell the world just one thing   
It would be that we're all okay   
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful   
And useless in times like these   
I won't be made useless   
I won't be idle with despair   
I will gather myself around my faith   
For light does the darkness most fear   
Jewel - Hands_

The rain beat down with a relentless violence, pummeling the earth in an unapologetic cacophony of noise. In the strength of the drops, the grass had flattened, acquiescing with little resistance. The dirt had given way to mud, leaving the path slick and treacherous. As if conspiring with the mud, water had filled in the depressions in the ground, creating numerous murky brown puddles. And the constant drum of the storm on the tin roofs was a monotony that tugged at the weariness etched deeply in the bones. 

He'd gotten caught in the rain about two miles from the village. Tired, bruised, and wounded, he had taken it with remarkable aplomb, mostly because there was little else he _could_ do. The chill in the early morning air clung to his wet clothing, permeating through the layers to sting his flesh beneath. His hair, usually so boisterous, was plastered to his skull and nearly obscured the forehead protector denoting his rank as shinobi. 

The Jounin uniform was drab in comparison to the brightly colored clothing he'd worn as a child. But for missions and the sake of uniformity, he liked it fine. Jounin was only another step in the direction of is ultimate dream. He _would_ someday be Hokage. Another year from now, two, or even three meant nothing to him; not so long as the end led him to one day being the sole protector of this village. 

Wincing faintly at the pull of the gash across his shoulder and down his back, Uzumaki Naruto shifted the pack on his good shoulder and forced one foot in front of the other when what he truly wanted was to collapse on the side of the path and sleep. But inviting pneumonia was hardly a pleasing prospect. 

As it was, Sakura was going to be irritated with him (_Another wound, Naruto? Can you go through **one** mission without hurting yourself?_). If he gave himself a respiratory disease to compliment the other injuries, she would lecture him until it was all he could do to close her out. As much as he respected and cared for her, there were times when he didn't need to slog through the obvious. 

Slowing, he took a steadying breath, though it pained him deep in his chest. Rubbing a hand across his brow, he coughed and found himself doubling over to stop the rhythmic spasms in his abdomen. He had been traveling for three days by himself, wounded and without food. Of a three man team, he was the only left, and the burden of the loss weighed heavily on his mind. It would be left to him to tell the families why their sons, fathers, brothers couldn't return. 

And he couldn't help but wonder if they would look at him as they'd done when he was younger, seeing only the blind obedience of hatred and the demon fox. 

As a shinobi, he knew the risk for fatality. He'd been on the verge of failure, loss, and death times too numerous to count. But no amount of mental preparation could make the loss of a comrade settle well. Reason and intelligence couldn't keep you from blaming yourself; you could always be stronger, faster, smarter. And each death was another nick in a memory too vivid and too prevalent to ever forget. 

Naruto never allowed himself to hold on for very long. But he would weep for them and mourn them in his own way. He'd never held the rule that said a shinobi should never show emotion as worthwhile or something that applied to him. How could someone say they loved Konoha and not be hurt to lose it's people? Being consumed by emotions was wrong, but having none at all was far worse. 

Straightening, he kept to the path, ignoring the slap of rain against his face. By now, he'd become nearly numb to the weather conditions, and he was cold in places that a body had no right being cold in. It wouldn't surprise him to be told one or many of his cuts were infected. Having been unable to properly treat himself on the field, and lacking the right to make camp in enemy territory, he'd had to move at a constant, grueling pace. 

For anyone looking at him, he knew he must be hardly recognizable. Covered in mud, sweat, and his own blood (as well as that of the enemy), he imagined his appearance would garner the same reaction he himself would have to someone else in his place. Being unable to bathe for days, and subsisting on scant sleep with little to nothing for food, he could easily guess that he'd lost weight and was carrying the lack of sleep in the lines on his face and the pockets beneath his eyes. 

It was with some relief that the grounded stones of the hospital came into view a short while later. Scarcely aware of his surroundings, much less the villagers, he managed a faint smile through slick, cracked lips. This was one of the few times he could say he was genuinely pleased to see the hospital and _wanted_ to go in. 

Pushing weakly through he doors, he moved hesitantly across the tile, receiving dark looks for the dirty streaks of water he was leaving on the freshly scrubbed floor. He would have apologized, if he hadn't seen her. And even in his tired state, he couldn't help but stop to appreciate. 

She hadn't noticed him; talking to another med-nin, she made quick, precise motions with her hands and the serious cast to her face told him that whatever it was, it was important to her. Since Tsunade had taken her on as an apprentice, Sakura had strengthened not only her medical skills, but herself as well. Much like Hokage, she could use brute force to get her point across. Though she was more reserved than the old woman. 

Much as it had been when he was younger, Naruto never grew tired of looking at her. 

Someone must have noticed him finally, because she blinked and turned to focus in his direction. Smiling though it cost him, he lifted his hand in a wave. Though it was foolish, he took great pleasure in the way her face shifted, her joy at seeming him evident in the brightness of her eyes and the soft lines of her body. As she hurried toward him, he made himself wait for her. He knew her concern was nothing more than the familiar ease of friendship, but it never stopped him from wishing. 

"Naruto!" Stopping short of reaching him, she fisted her hands on her hips and examined him critically. The way her lips pursed and the lines between her brows became more prominent, he knew she wasn't pleased with what she saw. "You haven't been taking proper care of yourself." 

He would have replied in kind, but she found the blood and was rushing forward, grasping at his arm to twist him to better give her the advantage. With the noises she made and the sharp motions of her hands, he knew that she wasn't pleased. 

"You're wounded. _Again_. And you haven't bothered to care for these." 

_Same old Sakura. It's nice to know some things never change._ "I didn't have time." 

Her lips flattened. "Well, what about your team?" 

Expression closing down, he briefly turned his face from her. 

"Naruto?" Her fingers were on his arm again, warm through the wet fabric, reminding him of just how chilled he was. 

"Dead," he replied bluntly, flat blue eyes coming back to rest on her concerned face. 

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I know how much-" 

"Could I get changed? I'm freezing," he interrupted, not wanting her pity or her comfort now. 

She frowned, but didn't say anything about his obvious refusal to discuss the happenings of his mission. "Yes. And you need a lot of things. Treatment of your wounds and food foremost. I might be tempted to keep you overnight." 

For her sake, he grimaced and scratched at the back of his head, effecting a pout. "But you know I hate staying in here." 

"Hmph. Should've thought of that before you got hurt." 

"Sakura-chan... All shinobi get hurt on missions." 

Nose in the air, she grabbed him by the arm and jerked him toward an examining room. "_You_ aren't all shinobi." 

He wasn't certain whether to be insulted or gratified. 

Stuffing him through the door, she unceremoniously shoved him on an examining table and demanded he remove his Jounin vest and the undershirt. When he hesitated, she turned to scold him again as she gathered medical supplies. Knowing further argument was useless, he sluggishly struggled out of his wet clothing and hoped his embarrassment at having her see him shirtless wasn't obvious. 

Sakura, however, was too intent on his wounds to notice anything else. There were a few superficial scratches along his ribcage that would heal soon enough thanks to the chakra of the demon fox, but he was entirely too depleted to deal with the gash on his back. Even the fox had its limits. 

Clucking her tongue in annoyance, Sakura moved around to his back and pushed him forward with little gentleness. The motion was so unexpected, he nearly tumbled off the table. Displeased with his posture, she jerked him up again and roughly prodded his injury. 

"Ouch! Dammit, Sakura..." 

"Hold still," she snapped. 

"You're the one shoving me around..." he muttered, but she didn't appear to hear him. 

"Why isn't this one healing like the others?" She said aloud, and though he had the impression the question was rhetorical, he answered anyway. 

"I'm too tired and I used too much chakra." 

"I'm going to stitch it up." 

Naruto sighed. He hated needles. 

"I heard that. You know I'll be numbing it first." 

That was just another needle. But he didn't voice his fear, because compared to some of the things he faced on a mission, a needle was relatively minor. He was just grateful he couldn't see it. 

As promised, Sakura injected a numbing agent into several places, unable to witness his telltale flinches every time the sharp object entered his flesh. When the area was numb, she began pulling the thread in and out of his wound with quick, precise motions. Though his back and shoulder were partially numb, he could feel the vague pressure of her fingers and the needle. It was oddly relaxing. 

He must have begun to drift off, because the next he knew her hand was gripping his shoulder and lightly shaking him. 

"Naruto? I'm done." 

He hadn't even felt her tying off the thread. 

"Sorry. I think I fell asleep." 

Her hands were suddenly on his neck, pressing into sore and abused muscles. "You're muscles are in knots." 

"Well I..." He trailed off as her fingers began to skillfully knead his skin wherever they touched. The motions were soothing, and he could feel himself loosening already. It helped that she was using a light layer of chakra; it warmed him, tugging at that need for sleep. 

"I'm keeping you here tonight," she told him quietly. "You can barely stay awake, much less walk yourself home." 

"I need some dry pants," he murmured, unable to rouse himself to disagree. 

"I'll get you hospital wear. There's a better room to sleep in than this examining table. Your legs will fall off," she added, and he heard the smile in her voice as her hands reached the small of his back. 

"Yeah... I finally grew," he returned with less snap than he wanted. Her hands on him... It would be a lie to say it didn't mean something to him. But it couldn't; and only a fool would let it. 

"Come on." She lightly shoved him from the table. "Let's get you settled in." 

Naruto let her lead, because he couldn't do anything else. For once, her ministrations were gentle and her concern palpable. He hadn't seen his reflection yet, and he wondered if he looked that bad. It didn't matter though. Weariness and pain made him far more docile than he had ever been, and he accepted the soup she gave him without complaint. And later, when she forced him into a hospital bed with a stiff mattress and a flat pillow, he just smiled at her, thanked her, and drifted to sleep the second his cheek sank into the feathers. 


	2. Underneath This Smile

It was dark. Fog clung to the ground in greedy tendrils, snaking between their feet as if laying down an insubstantial trap. They kept still, silent, and communicated through hand signals and the barest incline of the head. He could feel the demon fox pushing to become dominant. It sought blood, wanted death, and knew only the taste of victory. At times, he hated it. When he let even a small amount of it free, he could see, feel, and taste it's emotions. 

There was something close by. The fox was heightening his senses, and he could smell them. But that was the problem. They were all around them, if his senses were accurate, closing in from every corner. They'd made a mistake, fallen into a trap, and before he could warn his comrades, the zing and snap of a kunai reached his ears. 

Gritting his teeth as they elongated into fangs, he spun. Dark eyes the color of days old blood frantically sifted through the inky darkness in a desperate search for the weapon. _There!_ Without hesitation he dove, knowing that speed and reflex were magnified. He would reach it; no one would have to die. The Jounin with him were skilled, but they weren't good enough. There were only a few people he knew who could keep up. And one was lost to them forever. 

Fingers closing around the metal, he felt his sharp nails biting into the hilt. As he twisted to find a suitable target, it briefly passed through his mind that he'd likely left scratches in a material few things should've been able to penetrate. And the dark thoughts that followed on the heels of that had his lips twisting derisively. The enemy would think it was for them, never understanding it was directed inward. 

Lusty thoughts tangled with his own. _It_ wanted the feel of blood on his skin, the taste of fear in his mouth. If it had it's way, he would tear every man here apart, even his own. The battle of wills that ensued splintered his mind, and he felt the pain drive deep inside him. He would use the demon; the demon would never use him. He couldn't give it what it wanted, _would not_ give it what it wanted. 

Almost of it's own will, the kunai left his hand. The mark was strong, and it hit hard, embedding itself into the skull of an approaching nin. The man fell aside and his presence left Naruto's mind as soon as his body left his sight. There were too many of them, and he knew that the three of them wouldn't be able to handle the barrage alone. Not unless he let the demon fox have complete control. And he couldn't do that. 

Planting himself in the middle of them, he ducked low and kicked. He caught a nin full in the chest and made no sound, no indication that he cared, when the crack of the shinobi's back hitting a nearby tree reached him. His claws were useful. They tore through flesh and nicked bone, and he had only to twist to break anything he touched. 

_Get out of my head!_

There was the faint echo of laughter, and he knew what came next. The smell of blood was thick, heady in the air. Men fell all around him, and the deaths their imprints left fed the monster inside of him. Before long, the screams that split the air would be that of his own ninja. And he was so caught up in this battle here, he wouldn't be able to stop it. 

_"No! I don't want to see it again!" _

"Naruto?" 

Why was the dream a reality, and reality a dream? 

_ "Naruto? Wake up. You're dreaming."_

The screams drowned her out, robbed him of the sound of her voice. He was lost, suffocating in the remembrance of a memory he'd sooner forget. 

Sharp pain stung his cheek, and then her face was wavering into view. She looked concerned, almost frightened. He wanted to reach up to reassure her, but his arms felt heavy. Instead, he watched as she shifted, removing a warm rag from his forehead to replace with a damp, cool one. 

"You're running a high fever," she told him matter-of-fact. "I think one or more of your wounds got infected and entered your bloodstream." 

Lips dry, he wet them briefly and managed, "How long?" 

Her brow furrowed, and then smoothed out. "Three days." 

Three days. He'd lost three days to a feverish sickness broken only by nightmares too vivid to be anything but real. Had Sakura heard him in his weakness? 

Sighing, he turned his head to the side. 

"Naruto? You..." she trailed off, choosing her words carefully. "You said a lot of things while you were sleeping." 

His gaze snapped back to hers, the sudden motion leaving him dizzy. But his feverish eyes were bright with the need to know what he'd given away. 

Ducking her head, she stared at her hands as they twisted the warm rag. "I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk about anything, I'll listen." 

He watched her a moment, willing himself to smile, not realizing it came out as more of a grimace. "I'm all right, Sakura-chan. Just some nightmares you know? Probably brought on by the sickness," he added, unable to bring himself to lie. 

Sakura still wasn't looking at him. "I know... it must be hard to have a fellow shinobi die. When I lose a patient, I still sometimes have difficulty coping. And I realized it's all right to feel that way. You-" 

His hand found it's way to her arm, and he curled his fingers around her wrist. He'd never deliberately hid his feelings from anyone before, but remembering how the mistake had been his (hadn't he been the one to suggest they go in that area?) and how they had died because of him (hadn't it been him who was unwilling to let the demon fox out to save their lives?), he couldn't say the words that threatened to choke him. 

She looked at the hand on her arm. "Naruto, I'm worried about you. You've never kept things to yourself like this before. I don't want you to make yourself worse." 

"They're just a couple of dead men, Sakura," he responded dully, once again turning away from her. 

The sound of his own face being slapped startled him into looking at her, eyes wide. 

There were tears slipping down her face, and she said with restrained fury, "They weren't _just men_. They were husbands, brothers, fathers, lovers... Don't pretend you don't care!" 

"Sakura..." He felt his expression crumble and his own eyes burn with unshed tears. He himself had thought the very same thing she voiced. 

She slipped her arm out from beneath his slack hand, and gripped his fingers with her own. Lowering herself on his chest, she gingerly wrapped her arms around him and held him close. Chest tightening, he closed his eyes and returned the gentle pressure, letting himself be lost in her nearness and the scent of her so that it wouldn't hurt as much as it did. 

"I..." His voice trembled, but he didn't allow himself to care. Those men deserved to be mourned, Sakura was right. "I couldn't even bring their bodies back, Sakura. They'll never be laid to rest and their families will never see them again." 

"Shh." She stroked his hair back from his face, and her fingers felt cool on his feverish skin. "It wasn't your fault." 

"Has... has someone went to tell them?" 

"The Hokage did, don't worry." Her fingers combed through his hair, snagging on tangles. 

"It should've been me. I'm the one that lost them, it should've been me." Even the tears felt cold on his face. 

"Naruto. You're sick. You need rest and you need to stop blaming yourself, or it's going to make it that much harder for you to get well," she told him, taking his face in her hands. 

He stared into her compassionate green eyes, and blinked, her features blurring through the moisture in his own. 

"You always think you need to take care of everyone else. When are you going to let someone take care of you?" She murmured, leaning down to place a kiss on the part of his forehead not covered by the rag. 

That was hot. He could feel it sear all the way through him. But it couldn't mean more than the gesture of friendship. Sakura was being kind, because he was ill. To take it as anything more would only be hurting them both. 

Sighing, he closed his eyes again. He felt exhausted, as if the act of letting his feelings go had drained what was left of his energy. Three days, and he still felt this useless. What had his state been when he first came in? He could scarcely remember. Except... cool gestures on his skin, accompanied by a soft, soothing voice came back to him. Sakura? Had she been caring for him all this time? 

"Rest, Naruto." 

Unable to do anything but obey, he slid into sleep. When he woke later, it was to see it had grown dark outside. Sakura settled next to him with a bowl in her hands, and he watched he steam rise from it and pool in the air above her head. 

"Naruto? I brought you some soup. Do you want to try to eat?" 

He opened his mouth, only to find his throat too dry to speak. So he settled for nodding. 

"Here. Small sips or you'll get nauseated." 

The soup felt warm going down and it soothed the raw edge of his throat. As soon as it reached his stomach, all the nerves in his abdomen seemed to come alive. Demanding more, his stomach violently protested and he heard Sakura laugh softly next to him. Flushing, he blinked and accepted another bite. 

"You've been sleeping all day," she said conversationally. "Do you feel any better?" 

"Ki..." He coughed to clear his throat. "Kinda." 

She smiled, offered him another bite. "Good." 

"Sakura-chan," he asked between spoonfuls. "Did you... have you been taking care of me?" 

"On my shift, yes," she said cheerfully. Then, sobering a little, she added, "And I sat with you through the worst of it." 

"Thank you," he answered quietly. "There's no one else, so..." 

"Don't be silly," she replied briskly. "Iruka-sensei came by. So did Kakashi-sensei, Shikamaru, Hinata, Neji, Ino, Chouji, Kiba, Shino..." Trailing off, she smiled. "They all came to see you, Naruto. More people love you than you allow yourself to realize." 

Knowing he must look like a simpleton with his mouth hanging open, he could still only stare at her in surprise, his face pink with embarrassment and pleasure. They had all come to see him? 

Gesturing behind her she murmured, "See?" 

There were flowers everywhere. So many, that they crowded one entire corner of the room. In his daze, he hadn't even smelled them. But he did now. 

"Oh, well, I... Will you thank them?" 

"No. You'll thank them when you get out." 

He smiled brightly. "Yeah. Yeah, I will." 

"That's better," she said, business-like. "I'm used to seeing you smile like that. And I expect you to treat me to dinner for taking such good care of you." 

He laughed. It felt good to laugh. "Anywhere you want to go." 

Her eyes met his, and to his puzzlement, she blushed. "Then I'll hold you to it." 

Naruto blinked. "Well... okay." 

"And no ramen," she snapped, shoving the spoon toward him with such force it nearly went up his nose and managed to spill all over his chest. 

Making a small sound of distress, she dropped the spoon in the bowl and reached for a dry cloth. Before he could tell her not to worry, she was scrubbing at his chest with rough, jerky movements. The sheet slid to his waist, and bared his entire abdomen, showing old scars and new bruises. Where the soup had landed, was an angry red spot, and judging from the color high in Sakura's cheeks, she felt miserable. 

Touching her hand to still her, he said, "It's all right, Sakura. It doesn't really hurt. And I could've wiped it up with the sheet." 

"Don't be ridiculous," she bit back. "I'm not going to let you cover up with dirty things." 

Laughing, he let go of her. "I guess I'd really better treat you somewhere nice, huh?" 

Nose in the air, she pulled the rag way from his chest. "That's right." 

Softer now, he smiled at her. "I wouldn't have taken you to ramen. I know how you don't like it." 

Blinking, she looked at him. "You... do? How? I ate it anyway." 

Naruto shrugged. "I just paid attention, that's all." 

She laid the back of her hand to rest on his forehead, checking for fever. "You've really grown up. You aren't a boy anymore." 

Confused, his eyebrows pulled together. "Well, no... I'm 23." 

Color staining her cheeks again, she rose and brushed at her med-nin uniform. "No, that isn't what I meant. But... Do you want more soup?" 

Expression still, eyes thoughtful, he looked at her and said softly, "And you aren't a girl anymore. You're a woman." 

Looking away from him, to the bowl of soup in her lap, she said archly, "Oh? Nice of you to notice. I don't think anyone else has even-" 

Taking her hand, he kissed her palm. "Then they're blind." 

"N-Naruto," she stuttered, "what are you doing?" 

He grinned. "Nothing." 

Jerking her hand away, she glared at him. "Just eat your soup. Or I'll pour the whole bowl on you." 

Filing her reaction away for later, he played into her game. "Then I'll have to complain about abuse." 

"I'll show you abuse," she snarled, raising her fist. 

He cowered. "You wouldn't hurt a sick man, would you?" 

"Don't tempt me." 

_No, Sakura-chan... don't tempt me._


	3. Raising the Dead

Note: This chapter is basically just for more Nar-Nar development and further confusing the relationship between him and Sakura. 

The rain had stopped earlier that day, leaving the ground damp and soft to the touch. He liked the unsteady feel of it as he walked. He had only to breath in deeply to fill his lungs with the earthy, heady scent of the grass and soil. All of it Konoha, all of it home. That was the difference between stepping on the land outside the gate. It wasn't home. 

Feet dangling between the wooded railing on the bridge, he grasped one in each hand like a lifeline and watched the water beneath his feet. It moved steadily, as if seeking an intangible destination it would spend forever reaching for. Wanting Hokage as his title and loving Sakura felt like that. Regardless of how far he fell behind or how hard he fought for both, he would never give up. Not until both were out of his reach in a way he could do nothing about. 

Closing his eyes, he let his face lean against the damp wood and felt the motions pull at his stitching. It was likely the fox demon had healed it. He'd spent another day in the hospital recovering, but his chakra was completely replenished. No matter how much he had wanted to remain simply for Sakura's undivided attention, he'd forced himself to leave. But he was going to have to ask her to take the stitches out. They were as good as useless now. 

Slowly opening his eyes, he watched his feet falling into nothingness. When he was younger, he'd sat here like this. His thoughts were different and less mature, but the drive was still there and the lust for only those two things he wanted above all else. Some days it seemed so far out of his reach that he had to pause and catch his breath. Yet, he could never let go. It wasn't in him, it wasn't like him. And he felt too strongly to be any different. 

Dragging a hand through his shaggy hair, he reflected on his avoidance to trim it. It trailed well past his shoulders now and he was forced to bind it back or have it in his face otherwise. The longer his hair got... The more he thought he looked like Yondaime. Maybe it was a foolish wish, but the man who had died to save the village and wanted him called a hero... He would be proud to call him father. Though the man that he secretly thought of as his father was more than worth the honor. 

Smiling absently, he thought of Iruka and how he was still teaching at the academy. He'd remarked once in passing that it was the only thing he wanted to do - giving his knowledge to the young and hoping they would grow to be men and women he could be proud of. Considering what Iruka had managed to make of him, he thought the sensei would likely be able to have an impact on anyone. Though to him, he was an important person and precious. Someone he would give his life for without hesitation. 

He loved the entire village, however, without reservation. To protect it and it's people, he would fight until death as well. 

"Didn't expect to find you here. I thought you'd be at the ramen shop." 

Blinking, he jerked around and took Sakura in, one sweet inch at a time. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even sensed her approach. Which made him a lame shinobi. 

"Hey," he greeted, smiling. "I haven't gotten around to eating yet. What about you? Had dinner?" 

She shook her head. "Not yet." 

Walking up to stand next to him, she let her arms fall to rest on the rail, one folded over the other. In her white med-nin uniform, the pink of her hair stood out in sharp contrast. She'd grown it long again, so that it fell to the middle of her back. She'd once asked him which way he liked it, long or short, and he recalled telling her it didn't matter as long as it was her hair. Idiotic on his part, to admit that, but she'd only given him a strange look and left it alone. 

That was how it always was with her. She would give him her friendship and share only so much before she pulled away and shut him off. He would never know if it was him she could never love, or if she was still hanging on to the possibility that Sasuke might be alive. But he knew, even if the Uchiha heir was, he wouldn't be the same man. Or boy, really. Since neither of them had seen him since he left. 

For Sakura, for himself, he always looked for Sasuke on his missions. At the beginning, he'd fooled himself into believing that he could find him and bring him back. The solo missions to do so had become less and less until he simply gave up for his own sanity. And he would never forget the pain he'd felt when he told Sakura that he was looking for Sasuke for the last time. 

"I thought I found a trail that would lead to Sasuke on this last mission. But I didn't have the time to follow it," he told her quietly, a part of him always clenching and going still while he waited for her reaction. 

She didn't look at him. Instead, she tucked her hair behind her ear and said calmly, "Naruto. You don't have to look for him for my sake anymore." 

Puzzled, he was unable to keep himself from frowning. "Sakura?" 

This time she turned her face to him and the absolute resolution and acceptance in her expression startled him. "I've given up on Sasuke. I think I did a long time ago, actually. It was just... everyone expected me to keep caring and I felt that I would look heartless if I didn't keep up the act." 

And here he'd always feared her reaction should he share with her the truth, that his heart was no longer in tracking down a man who obviously hadn't loved them more than his revenge. 

"Sakura, I-" 

"You've been so good to me, Naruto. So patient. No matter what I say or do, you don't change. You're so steady... I..." 

His heart stuttered, and he swallowed audibly, trying desperately to clutch at his thoughts and force them back, away. It had never been more than friendship between them, and he doubted it would be anything more now. This knew knowledge meant nothing when she had felt this way for so long, and still, everything that he did was never enough. 

"I just want to thank you," she finished lamely, looking away. "For being my friend, for caring." 

Everything tightened inside to an unbearable height and shattered, taking with it the last of his hope. "Yeah, well, you know..." Lowering his head, he watched without seeing, his hand squeezing the railing with such force that he heard the wood protest. 

"So," she continued, sounding cheerful, "do you want to get something to eat?" 

Closing his eyes, he willed it all away, and when he opened them again, they were clear, he was smiling. 

"Sure," he agreed, working himself out from between the bars and rising. 

"But no ramen," she teased, winking. 

He held up his hands. "No ramen. And hey... when you get the chance, would you take the stitches out?" 

She frowned at him. "Already? But... Oh that's right, you heal faster than other people." 

_At least she didn't say **normal** people..._

"Yeah, that's my curse." And she didn't know how much so. 

Laughing, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to begin walking. "Curse? Any shinobi or kunoichi would kill to have the ability to heal like that." 

"All things come with a price, Sakura," he told her quietly. 

Pausing, she turned to look at him. "You've been calling me 'Sakura' a lot lately... Are you angry with me?" 

"What? No, never! I just..." He trailed off, shrugging, unwilling to share with her what it meant. 

"Well, that's a relief." 

"It's usually you, mad at me." 

Sakura looked back at him. "Not much anymore. You don't give me reasons like you used to." 

"I'm not 12 anymore." 

She just smiled, and turned away, forcing him to catch up and fall in step beside her. How many times had they done just this? And how many times had he wished it was more? Some things, he thought, would never change. Others, already had. 


	4. Taking a Step

Note: Life has not been kind lately. So writing took a back seat for a time. >.> 

This chapter is a set up for the next one. And big thanks goes out to my BETA. If it hadn't been for her, I would've left this chapter alone and written myself into a hole. Thanks for putting up with me! 

Edit: Since I last wrote on this, life has been being **too** kind to me. I'm almost afraid. 

Twisting in his chair, Naruto absently watched the comings and goings of Konoha's residents. It was more to distract himself than any real curiosity as to who frequented this restaurant. Still, despite his attempts, he knew exactly how many inches to his right Sakura was sitting, that she was listlessly swirling her straw around the outside edge of her glass, and that she'd barely eaten anything on her plate. There was something plaguing her, and he could only assume that it had to do with their earlier conversation about Sasuke. 

Shifting, he surveyed her motions a second longer and then murmured, "Aren't you hungry?" 

Head jerking up, she blinked and stared at him as if just processing that he was here. "What? Oh... I'm sorry. I guess I'm not." 

As if needing to make at least a passing effort, she lifted her chopsticks and pushed her food around her plate. 

"It's all right." 

"I don't want to waste your money..." She said, tucking her hair behind one ear. 

Naruto shrugged. "It was my treat. Don't worry about it." Hesitating a moment, he leaned forward and plunged on, "Sakura... What's wrong? Is it what I said about Sasuke earlier? If so, I'm sorry." 

"I..." She stopped, shaking her head. "No. No, I was serious about Sasuke. That part of my life... Well, it's over and thinking about it isn't going to change anything." 

Relieved, he sat back. "Just tired then? From work?" 

She smiled, though it looked false around the edges. "Yeah, that's it." 

"You sure?" He couldn't help but feel skeptical. Her answer hadn't held any real conviction. 

Releasing an audible breath forcefully, Sakura frowned and tugged irritably at her hair. "Yes. No. Well, partly." 

Lowering his chopsticks, Naruto said slowly, "Okay..." 

She again surprised him by laughing. "Don't worry about it for now, Naruto. I need to do some thinking." 

"Well-" 

"As a matter of fact," she said, standing, "I need to do that at home. Thanks for dinner. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" 

Unable to process an answer fast enough, Naruto found himself gaping like a simpleton while Sakura gathered her things and hurried out of the restaurant. She hadn't seemed upset or even particularly distressed, but she'd left him confused. 

"What the hell was that all about?" He muttered to himself, staring after her retreating form. 

Despite the changes in him as he'd aged, patience was not one of his better virtues. Sakura wanted to think at home in private, and he wanted to talk to her now. She could get angry with him if he pushed her, he knew, but he wasn't willing to risk the chance that she might not. Some things couldn't wait. And he was beginning to understand that this was one of them. 

Jumping to his feet, he dug around in his pocket until he came up with an appropriate amount to pay. Not interested in waiting waiting for his change, he threw it on the table and grabbed his overcoat. He'd barely gotten his second arm in a sleeve before he charged into the nasty weather and slid somewhat in the mud as he scanned the street for her. She was walking ahead, with her head tucked inward and her arms wrapped tightly around her. 

"Sakura!" 

She paused, looking from side to side before obviously deciding that what she'd heard was imagined. As she began to walk again, he lengthened his strides and hurried after her, calling to her with more force. 

This time she did turn, glancing at him with what he took to be a mixture of consternation and surprise. 

"Naruto, what are you doing? It's freezing out here and I want to get home before I catch cold." 

Jamming a hand through his hair, he nearly dislodged his forehead protector. "I need to talk to you." 

"Now?" She said, exasperation evident in her tone. 

"If not now, when?" He shot back, some of his frustration becoming apparent. 

"Sometimes you are so dense. Follow me to my house. We'll talk where it's dry." 

"I am not dense," he said, pouting. 

Sakura made her opinion known on that subject by rolling her eyes before grabbing his hand and dragging him unceremoniously down the street. 

Her home wasn't far from the restaurant, and they both made it there shortly - wet, muddy, and out of breath from battling the weather. She forced him to remove his shoes and jacket, leaving them both at the door. The rest of him was damp, but it was tolerable. Sakura took some pity on him and offered him a towel for his hair, hurling it at his head. Scowling beneath the cloth, he wisely held back a response and removed his protector, vigorously drying his hair. 

"I'll be right back. I'm going to change." 

Pulling the towel out of his eyes, he was on the verge of replying until he saw that she'd already left the room. As irritating as it could be, Sakura's strong personality was partly what had always attracted him to her. She had uncertainties like every other person, but she'd always worked so tirelessly to overcome them. He couldn't help but admire her for it. 

A short while later she came dressed in an over-sized robe that nearly dwarfed her, yet hid whatever she was wearing beneath for sleepwear. Still, it did nothing to alleviate his discomfort, nor refrain from tempting him to imagine just _what_ she really was wearing under it. Shifting uncomfortably, he pretended great interest in the towel while he grappled to focus on something less intense. 

Dropping herself into a chair with negligent grace, Sakura said, "So. What do you want to talk to me about?" 

Now that he was here, he didn't know where to start. 

"Well?" She prompted after a moments silence. 

"Why'd you run away from the restaurant?" He asked, genuinely curious. It seemed a safe enough place to begin. 

Her face remained carefully blank, but the fingers picking at her robe gave her away. "I just... Needed time to think, that's all." 

Encouraged by her own discomfort, he inquired softly, "About what?" 

She lifted her eyes to his. "I don't know that we should talk about it right now." 

"Why not? Just..." Pausing, he took a breath and forced himself to continue. "Just how long are we going to pretend, Sakura?" 

She went still. "Pretend what?" 

"That things between us aren't different." 

"Different in what way?" She ventured cautiously, her fingers now unhealthily abusing the robe. 

"I don't know exactly. No, that's not true. _I_ know how I feel. What I don't know, is how you feel." 

She seemed about to speak, when she abruptly stood and turned away. "I don't want to talk about this right now." 

Dropping his head a moment, he rubbed his eyes and sighed. But the faint swish of her robe as she moved further away from him spurned something inside of him, until he found himself on his feet and walking toward her. Hand closing gently around her upper arm, he simultaneously spun and pulled her to him. 

"When? When? Don't tell me you don't know. You _have_ to know how I feel." 

Green eyes widening, she braced her hands on his chest. "Naruto, what are you-" 

It was there. The faint hint of something else beneath the frisson of alarm in her face. It gave him the courage he needed to do what he'd wanted for so long. And her eyes were all he saw as he lowered his head and took her lips, never closing his own. 

Her hands tightened on his shirt, making small fists against his chest as if she were about to struggle and push him away. But as his arm moved more securely around her, the tension in her drained so that her arms came up to his neck almost of their own volition. Making a small sound in the back of her throat that caused the need in him to flicker higher, she opened her mouth and let him completely in. 

All semblance of rational thought fled, leaving him lost in her in a way he'd never anticipated. He'd kissed girls before, but it had never been this involved, this all-consuming. A part of him was frightened, even as the rest of him was exhilarated. Especially because the way she clung to him and gave seemed to suggest she felt the same. 

The need for air was all that had him pulling away from her. And as she stared up at him with clouded eyes, her cheeks flushed, he knew that he'd never wanted or needed her more. It seemed he'd cared for her all his life and even when he'd realized her feelings for Sasuke ran deep, he'd never quite let go. 

"Naruto-" 

He silenced her, placing a finger to her lips. "Right now, I want to stay so bad it quite literally hurts. But... the smart thing to do would be to let us both think on this." His expression went intense. "I know what you feel for me now, Sakura. Even if it isn't love... the way you responded doesn't lie." 

The next few moments, letting her go and gathering up his things to leave her in the warmth and step back into the cold, was more difficult than any mission he could ever recall. Right now, however, he didn't think he could take any attempts by her to rationalize things away. And he certainly couldn't stay there knowing what he _really_ wanted to do. 

Outside, he huddled into his light-weight over jacket and walked down the street. So lost in his own tangled thoughts and concentrating on a safe path through the harsh weather, he very nearly ran into a person who mirrored his own posture. If he hadn't noticed at the last second and abruptly stepped out of the way, they would've collided. As it was, he lost his balance and his pride, allowing himself to fall into the mud rather than into the person. 

Staring down at him with a solemn, unwavering expression, Nara Shikamaru extended his hand. He remained blissfully silent as Naruto stared at the gesture and blinked rain from his eyes. A moment later he took the hand and used it as leverage. He made no motion to clean the mud from his backside. The wash would do that well enough. 

"Hey, Shikamaru." 

The younger Nara examined him a moment longer and then said, "You look like hell." 

He blinked. And then couldn't help but laugh. "Trust you to sum it all up nicely." 

Shikamaru shrugged. "Since I know you weren't playing in the dirt for the fun of it, what's on your mind?" He turned to walk away as if assuming Naruto would follow. 

He debated a moment and then gave in, knowing he wanted someone to talk to and that Shikamaru would keep it to himself and be completely honest. 

"It's Sakura." 

A faint snort could be heard above the din of rain on the rooftops. "A woman. Figures." 

"Yeah..." 

The quality of his tone must have meant something to Shikamaru, because he arched an eyebrow and said, "Did something happen?" 

"Yes and no." 

"It either did, or didn't." 

He rolled his shoulders restlessly. "It's not that simple." 

Shikamaru scratched at the back of his damp head, disturbing hair from the high tail he usually wore it in. "When is it ever?" 

"Good point." 

The other cast a glance at him from the corner of his eye. "You want to talk about it?" 

Naruto hunched over to protect himself from the rain. "No." 

"Hm." 

Blinking against the slap of rain in his eyes, Naruto asked, "Is that a I-don't-know-what-to-think 'hm', or a significant 'hm'?" 

Shikamaru shrugged. 

"... what is that supposed to mean?" 

"I'm not an expert on women, you know," Shikamaru said, looking moody. 

"No," he agreed, unable to help grinning. "But you _are_ a genius." A label which annoyed Shikamaru with its intention of backing him into some neat corner. 

As was expected, Shikamaru scowled. "Whatever." 

Gathering that the purposeful slip would be repaid by ignoring his own plight, Naruto dropped the subject of Sakura - he needed time to think himself before he committed his thoughts to someone other than her- and instead asked, "So, where are you going?" 

"I was going home." 

"Or," he tried slyly, "should I asked where you were coming from?" 

"None of your damn business." 

Laughing, Naruto ribbed, "You'd better start becoming an expert on women if you expect to keep going in _that_ direction." Jerking a thumb behind him, he added, "Because she'll eat you alive." 

Shikamaru's shoulders ducked down. "You're not telling me anything I don't already know." 

"You are brave." 

The other man's head followed his shoulders. "Shut up." 

"Sure you want to go home? I'll buy you a drink. Might warm us both up." And it would help relax him so that he could sleep. 

"Might as well..." 

Naruto let himself into his little house hours later, staring with drunken consternation at the wilting plant in his window. He'd named it something ridiculous, but what escaped his mind at the moment. It didn't matter anyway. It was the only company he had and it was likely going to die sooner or later. The poor plant was a testament to how little time he spent at home. 

Dropping his keys on the table, he didn't look back when they missed and hit the floor with protest. Who was going to scold him? The plant certainly couldn't talk and he had so few visitors, he doubted anyone was going to mind that he was shedding his clothing layer by layer as he walked through the house. If he could manage to stumble out of bed at a decent hour, he might be troubled to pick them up. 

Wandering into his room, he dropped naked on his bed and stared drowsily at the hand trailing on the floor. He'd only meant to have a drink with Shikamaru, but then TenTen, Kiba, Shino, Lee (who very nearly destroyed the bar until TenTen dragged him out), and Chouji had been there. Between the six of them, they'd managed to have enough drinks to cause even Shikamaru to lose count. It was a comfort to spend time with friends. 

Naruto rolled onto his back and waited a moment for the world to right itself. As his cheek fell against his own arm, he found his gaze caught by the picture of his cell when they'd first started. Sasuke and himself on the outside, Sakura in the middle, and Kakashi behind them. Had it really been ten years or so? It didn't seem to matter. His feelings for Sakura hadn't changed, only gotten deeper. 

Closing his eyes, he slipped his arms beneath his head and left the covers alone. He'd had too much to drink and would have a fitful rest because of it. Despite having the demon fox chakra, he still had to bow to the constraints of regular human bodies. Even knowing it would keep him thinking of Sakura, his own human frailty was still comforting. There were times even he didn't want to be strong. 


	5. Waiting is Wasting

I honestly never thought I would return to this fanfic. A lot of changes happened in my life around when I was writing this and I lost touch with anime and writing for a while. I've just started getting back into Naruto again and the start for this chapter has been sitting here since 2005.

So I thought, what if I did finish? So many people have reviewed asking for me to finish and I feel a bit like a failure, because I always start writing projects and never finish. Either I lose the will or I don't think it's good enough...

You'll have to forgive any canon inconsistencies in this since I wrote it in 2005 and there have been many changes since then. I'm just going to follow the path I initially set out with the knowledge I had then. It's too confusing to fit all the new stuff in now.

Here we go! I hope it fits in with the rest, as my writing has changed since 2005 as well.

_Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.  
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.  
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.  
Break into the contents, never falling down. _

_My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,  
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.  
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.  
Waiting is wasting for people like me. _

_Don't try to live so wise.  
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.  
Don't dry with fakes or fears,  
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.  
Naruto - Wind by Akeboshi_

Naruto woke to the sour aftertaste of alcohol on his tongue and a faint throbbing behind one eye. When he rolled from stomach to back, it spread to the other. Drawing the back of his hand across his mouth, he winced in disgust when it came away wet with drool. What the hell had he been dreaming about anyway?

Heaving himself up, the beginnings of a nasty headache stabbing at his head from every direction, he groaned aloud his discomfort. While some semblance of sense told him he probably needed to drink water to replace the gallons he'd peed out the night before, the thought left him queasy. So did the thought of food. And when food ceased to inspire him, there was definitely something wrong.

Like Chouji, he needed more food than the average person. Unlike Chouji, however, he needed it for the damned fox chained to his soul. It was stupid, he knew, as he stumbled to the bathroom and stood sleepily beneath a hot spray, but there was some perverse pleasure to be gained by denying the fox anything.

Showering and brushing his teeth left him feeling more human. It also reminded him of the prime reason he'd gotten drunk in the first place. Sighing, he braced his hands on either side of the bathroom sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

After all but attacking Sakura, he'd left so quickly he hadn't given her time to react. Was it cowardice? Having her reject him then or now wouldn't make much difference. Not when she'd been rejecting him for as long as he could remember. But she'd responded. Whatever her feelings for him, she'd kissed him back.

"Maybe for once in your life you exercised some sense, Naruto..." he mumbled to his tired reflection.

Falling back on his heels, he rocked a moment there and then turned away to stretch his arms above his head until he felt a satisfying pop in his back. Patience had never been one of his virtues. If he wanted it, he wanted it now. Nothing was going to stop him or hold him back; he'd made that promise to himself a long time ago. On some things, though... Waiting might make all the difference.

Even so, he'd been waiting a long time on Sakura. Half the time he was never sure if she took his advances seriously until last night. When he'd been younger, it was vanity. Sakura was smart and pretty. She represented to him what the Hokage did; a chance to prove that he was better than everyone else. Over time, as they grew, so did his feelings. Deeper, stronger, and unwilling to leave him alone no matter how many other girls he tried to date.

Sakura had grown roots in his heart and he knew that if he never had her, had to grow old watching her love another man, it wouldn't matter. He'd still love her.

Somewhere between one thought and another he'd made it to the kitchen. A quick perusal of the fridge told him he was an idiot and needed to remember to check spoil dates on things so he could shopping _before_ they got bad.

"Guess cereal is out of the question..." He poured the milk down the sink, trying not to wince at the sight and smell of the curdled liquid.

Sighing a little, he jerked his hand impatiently through his hair and realized it was getting too long again. When was the last time he'd went in for a trim? Or gotten new clothes? The ones he had were beginning to show their wear from much abuse as he pushed them to the limits in mission after mission.

Looking to the window, he watched villagers pass by. There were days his own limitations frustrated him. It took years to master jutsu and elements. It took wisdom and patience to mold a village. Though where the hell Tsunade fit in there between patience and wisdom he'd never know.

Giving into the inevitable, he dressed fully and made sure he had money on him. There was nothing suitable for a human to eat here and so he was going to have to fall back on an old favorite: ramen. When wasn't ramen suitable anyway?

As he walked, he considered the wisdom in asking Sakura to eat with him. She hated ramen, or at least made enough of a fuss every time they ate there that he'd gathered she didn't like it. The question was, would it be pushing her to ask her out to food so soon? After last night, maybe it was better to let her be by herself for a while.

The sturdy structure of the hospital beckoned in the distance. That ugly need to shirk patience again gripped him and he warred with the need to let it go or plunge forward. If he didn't push, would she get away again? How wise was it to pull your foot back once you had it wedged in the doorway?

"Shit. Sometimes this gets too complicated..." But his feet were already taking him toward Sakura, so he let them lead and ignored the clash of his heart and mind.

The hospital was massive, and he hated it without reservation, for what it represented and the many times he'd seen his friends go in hurt and come out scarred in ways the eyes couldn't see. He appreciated the med-nin, and while logic told him the hospital wasn't to blame for the injuries and deaths, it wasn't easy to separate the two.

"Hey, Naruto!"

"Hm?" Turning to the source of the voice, he saw one of the med-nins Sakura worked with. "Oh, hey, Mitsuki."

"Are you looking for Sakura?"

"Yeah. Do you know which room she's in?"

Mitsuki frowned. "Actually, she's not here today... I thought you would already know."

Stopping in front of her, he went still, though the effort cost him and he fairly vibrated with energy. "What do you mean?"

"Well, she's gone. Out of the village, I mean." Mitsuki tucked a strand of hair behind one ear, looking uncomfortable as she drew the toe of her sandal across the ground. "I don't know when she'll be back. She took a mission."

Intense pressure gathered in his chest until it felt almost too much to breathe and he found he had to uncurl and relax his fingers, smooth out his expression before Mitsuki got the wrong impression. But the hurt mingled with the anger and he found he had to look away for a moment.

Sakura had ran. The one person he'd never taken for a coward, and she'd run away from him. Away from her feelings, his, and the responsibility of doing something about them.

"Naruto?"

Keeping his tone light, he managed a grin. "Hey, hey, guess I missed the memo. Thanks."

Lifting a hand in an absent wave, he fell into the easy rhythm of a run, knowing Mitsuki probably thought he was more strange now than ever, but not caring. His goal was Hokage. Tsunade knew everything that went on in the village, and he was willing to bet Sakura asked for a mission and was granted one by her mentor.

If she'd needed him to leave her alone, he wished she would have said something instead of leaving. Did she believe it was a mistake? Had he ruined his friendship by pushing the boundaries of places he had no business going uninvited?

Naruto was beginning to believe he needed to contend himself with one dream, that of Hokage. Maybe Shikamaru was right and women _were_ too troublesome. Women like Sakura and Ino... Intelligent, independent, and far from placid. Women that made life a whole hell of a lot more interesting when you weren't looking to settle.

Tsunade was busy as usual, and while he rarely waited for her to finish he had no intentions of even giving it a passing attempt today. Ignoring the warnings of the ANBU guards stationed at the door, he pushed his way through and found her napping at her desk. Busy? Like hell.

"Hey, what kind of Hokage lies, drinks too much, and sleeps when she should be working?"

Tsunade's head jerked almost comically, like a marionette on strings. Sleep clouded her face, but she blinked quickly and regained her focus with a skill he grudgingly respected.

The bite to her tone would've scared off lesser nin. "Dammit, Naruto. Do you ever listen when someone tells you something?"

"When it's important." He stopped short of her desk, having learned in the past that some distance was prudent.

Baring her teeth, she leaned forward. "Even Hokage need sleep!"

"Not when they've been up drinking all night knowing they have better things to do in the morning."

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you?" She fired back, ignoring his accusation.

"Tell me where Sakura is," he countered.

Tsunade's expression smoothed suddenly, and she sat back. "Oh." That one word held a world of meaning. "I don't think an ungrateful Jounin who insults the Hokage deserves that information."

What little patience he had was bleeding away. The longer he stood here bantering with her, the farther away Sakura would be.

"I need to find her."

Tsunade made a show of snorting and waving her hand. "No you don't. And I'm not going to tell you so that you can hunt her down and ruin her mission." She must've seen the frustration in his face, known it was serious to him, because she added, "She needs time by herself, Naruto. Let her have it."

Eyes narrowed sharp on her face, boring into her own. "And if I do? Will she get farther away from me?"

The Hokage shrugged. "That's up to her. You can't control the way she feels, Naruto. You should know that by now."

The gentle censure in her tone had him cringing inwardly, feeling like a fool but not knowing what to do with it or whether he even wanted to admit what she was saying was true.

Turning away, he focused on a spot on the wall. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Just leave it alone. There's nothing else you can do. You made your move, now she has to make hers."

A short bark of laughter escaped. "What is this, chess?"

Tsunade sighed, dropping her head to her arms. "Maybe it is... Now go away. You know I'm not going to tell you."

Feelings churned helplessly in his gut, and he flexed and unflexed his fingers, feeling the restless energy that drove him here taking hold again. Tsunade was ignoring him now and he knew it was useless to hammer away at her further. Besides Sakura, he'd never met a more stubborn woman.

Turning away, he left to find Shikamaru in the doorway. Did the man have to be witness to all of his mistakes when it came to romance?

"Never known you to back down," the other nin commented, tone bored and slow as if talking itself was a hardship.

"Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do about it. The old hag is right. If I were to go after her, I'd just screw up her mission."

"Congratulations. You've graduated into the adult world."

"Come find me when that matters," Naruto said, hunching his shoulders and leaving Shikamaru to whatever business it was he had with the Hokage.

All of the resolve he'd come in here with, and accomplished nothing with, left him feeling deflated like a balloon that had lost all of its hot air. Which Sakura was fond of telling him he was full of more often than he cared to remember.

Turning his face to the sky, he wondered if she was right. When it came down to it, when she came back, was he going to have what it took to confront her? Or should he do what Tsunade said and just leave her alone? And if he did one or the other, the most important question was, had he ruined their friendship forever?

_After note: I can really see the difference in this chapter in relation to the others. My goal in the remaining chapters is to strike a balance between Naruto's serious side and his silly side. I want to portray him as he's growing and discovering himself, but also retain the idiocy of him I love so well. It's hard! I can see in the other chapters I was leaning too close to serious and not enough to silly. _

_So I hope I'm doing better. Feel free to let me know what you think. Beyond good writing, my most important goal is to get characterization down as well as I can.,/i _


	6. Running Away

_Note: Okay, guys, be gentle on me here. At least a little, please. I've never written from Sakura's POV before and I'm trying to feel my way through. So any pointers on doing better are appreciated, just be nice! _

The pace they'd set was comfortable, the mission being neither crucial nor exactly leisurely. Sakura followed in the cradle of the nin formation, two in front of her, one behind. As the med-nin, it was imperative that she remain as uninjured as possible or she was as good as useless for treating the others. The mood of the team was good, though, and it was hard not to react to it, not to think this would go fine.

It'd nearly a full day now. The team met at Konoha's gates with the rise of the sun and left when it was highest in the sky. There'd been no good-byes, no reason for it really. It wasn't like she was going to war. And the conflicting riot of feelings in her needed to be kept to herself for a while, even from Ino.

The team leader turned back. "We'll make camp soon. The timing is good enough to stop a little early."

Sakura nodded, though a part of her wished they'd push on and keep the pace grueling. Once they slowed down and got to the business of making camp, eating dinner, readying for bed... It was going to be hard to keep her mind off Konoha and one nin in particular. Not that it was exactly easy to forget about Naruto as it was. If he was anything, he was as bright as the sun they'd left to and as steady as the heartbeat of the village. And just as impossible to ignore.

The waning sun filtered through the trees, casting small paths of light. Her eyes followed them even as her mind nimbly got her over roots, past bushes, and under branches. Around her, the air was a comfortable blanket of warmth rich with the smells of the outdoors. She was a bit ashamed to admit it made her want to take a nap. Even if the mission was relatively simple for the moment, that didn't mean she could let her guard down that much.

It'd been a while since she stepped outside the hospital and into the field. It felt somewhat nice, even if the reasons for it were somewhat childish. In Konoha, where could she run from Naruto to have some time to herself? No matter where she went, he'd track her down. When it came to something like this, their feelings, the last thing she wanted was to be badgered until she felt like knocking his head from his shoulders.

Maybe she should give him more credit than that, but... She knew Naruto. He plowed on through everything until he got what he wanted, or did his best to get it. The night before proved that to her, if nothing else had. So much energy and passion directed toward her... Shifting uncomfortably, she tried to keep the blush from her face, was already planning to blame it on the heat if asked.

It wasn't a secret that Naruto had always tried get her to go on a date with him. If she was honest, Sakura knew she'd never really taken him very seriously. Deep down, she felt it stemmed from his rivalry with Sasuke, knowing she'd had a crush on the Uchiha heir. When they'd grown closer and Sasuke had left, she just figured it was reflex. He'd ask her for a date, she'd kick his ass and the cycle would begin again. She'd never dreamed he really...

Pressing a hand to her heated cheek, she tried to shake the image of his face from her mind, the way his hands had felt on her as he poured every ounce of himself into that one kiss. Countless times she'd seen him do the same in battle, but had _never_ been on the receiving end. Was she so blind, maybe even shallow? Had he been carrying all that around in his eyes when he looked at her and she'd never noticed?

"We should be in Hidden Waterfall in three or four days," the nin behind her said without warning, jerking her roughly from her thoughts.

Grateful to him, she glanced over her shoulder and gave a sunny smile, betraying none of her inner turmoil. "If every day goes like this, it'll be a nice vacation."

"That's right. You work in the hospital, don't you?"

She nodded, the imposing stone building looming into her vision, the place that was a home away from her own.

"Haruno Sakura..." The shinobi trailed off, suddenly grinning. The humor transformed his pleasant face into something easily relatable. She found she liked his kind brown eyes and plain cropped hair. He resonated calm. She needed that right now.

When he didn't continue, she looked at him questioningly.

"Well, you're the Hokage's apprentice. Everyone talks about you. You're the best med-nin since the Hokage."

Eyes widening, Sakura struggled against the rising pleasure warring with the understandable embarrassment. If she was the shadow behind Sasuke and Naruto, always watching them charge ahead and listening as people spoke their names, she wasn't any longer. And it was strange to her, not even something she'd considered. She'd just wanted to do _something_, to use her own skills to better herself and be of some use, to be more than a hindrance. Maybe...

"I'm glad you're on our team."

Unable to help but smile in return, she hoped how she felt wasn't visible in her face, and that the rising pink in her cheeks was viewed as sunburn, anything, but what it really was.

"Thanks..." She trailed off a moment, remembering. His name was... "Hayabusa. Can I call you Haya?"

"Sure. Hayabusa seems kinda stuffy. I'm named after my grandfather."

Tired of craning her neck to talk to him, she fell back a little, amping up her awareness to make up for breaking the formation. "You're a jounin, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Both my parents were too. But they died in the battle with the Nine Tails. I was raised by my grandparents. I think they'd rather I been a farmer or a shopkeeper..." He trailed off, smiling again.

Briefly, Sakura raised her face to the sky. It was a hazy blue interrupted by a few stray clouds. What would it be like to have no more care in the world than your crops while looking up at this sky?

"But I like being a jounin."

Did she? Had what became a silly girlish need to follow her crush, to get him to notice her by becoming strong, morphed into something far more important?

Looking down at her rapidly moving feet and back to his face, she said, "Me too."

"Do you like it in the field better or the hospital?"

Strange, she'd never considered it; no one had ever asked. She'd found her path and followed it where it lead. There hadn't been enough med-nins used on teams until Tsunade became Hokage, a fact she'd been remedying for the last few years, but Sakura hadn't thought about becoming one of them.

"I don't know, actually. I've been in the hospital for so long I almost forgot what it was like to go on missions." She did like it there, liked her position and being able to use her skills. It wore her down at times, losing patients or giving so much of herself. But it was nothing sleep, food, and short breaks away couldn't cure.

"Maybe you'll find out you like it after this mission and want to do it more. We could use more skilled field med-nins. There aren't enough, even though the Hokage has been really pushing for them if they show aptitude when they get out of the academy."

Maybe. "Yeah, I guess. Who knows!" It certainly wasn't out of the question.

_And it gives you a good excuse to be a chicken shit and continue running from Naruto instead of facing the situation._

Gritting her teeth, wishing she could stuff her inner voice into a box and kick it back into a dusty, unused closet, she blew an irritated breath out of her nose, forgetting that it wasn't exactly ladylike. Maybe she'd been hanging around Tsunade a little _too_ long.

"You okay?"

Scrambling for some excuse, hoping she hadn't looked like a mad bull in heat, she said the first thing that came to mind. "Yeah, thanks, it's just really hot and humid out here."

Haya reached into his pack and offered her a bottle. "Need a drink?"

Wondering where this thoughtful, pleasant man had materialized from and why she hadn't been able to find him while navigating the dangers of dating, she took the bottle and gave him a genuine smile. "Thanks. You're sweet."

"Ah..." His hand went to the back of his neck as he dropped his gaze, but not before she caught the blush. Had she embarrassed him? Was he really... Did he think she was _flirting_ with him?

After what happened with Naruto, this was the _last_ thing she needed.

_Just don't encourage him. Be friendly, be nice... Just keep it safe. One mess at a time, Sakura, one mess at a time. Even if you don't want to, you've got to face Naruto. And he'd tear this poor guy apart._

"I mean, I appreciate it, thanks." She shoved the bottle back into his hands quickly, searching for someway to change the subject onto something safe and innocuous. It wouldn't have been fair to encourage the guy, even if she hadn't meant to. Being with him felt like being with a brother, while Naruto... How could one kiss change so much?

"Augh, go away, Naruto," she muttered, waving her hand at a bug, wishing she could do the same for her thoughts.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

Being a med-nin, and subject to few rules but her own, she'd developed a bad habit of talking aloud instead of only thinking. It didn't matter when you were alone in a room with an unconscious patient, but this was actual society. It was time to pretend she was at least semi-normal.

"Nothing, sorry. I was just thinking aloud."

The pace slowed suddenly, pulling her attention away from Haya and their conversation. They were in a fairly wooded area, but the ground was less littered with vegetation. It would make a perfect place to set up their tents for the night. Besides, she was starting to get hungry. With her mind so occupied by Naruto, she'd almost forgotten until Haya's offered water woke her stomach up.

"We'll set up here for the night," Iwao ordered, the jounin leading the team.

They set up the tents in companionable silence. While Sakura didn't know any of these jounin personally, she didn't feel out of place. Though it was odd to be on a mission without Naruto...

Looking down at her hands as they assembled the place she would sleep, she couldn't help but think of that night, the way they'd clung to the front of his clothes, the way her mind had gone frightfully blank and then filled to the brim with only him and the feelings gripping her. The instant heat, like her entire body was on fire. She'd dated before, kissed before. But it'd never been like that.

What did it mean? More importantly, what _were_ her feelings for Naruto? She loved him, yes, but had never loved him as more than a friend. At least, never consciously... And why did giving in, seeing where it would take them, scare her so much?

Maybe she didn't want to lose him. Naruto had been one of the constants in her life for too long now, a friend, a confidant, a pillar to lean against... It was selfish of her, she knew, to have expected so much out of him and then never given much more in return. But if he became more than a friend to her, would she lose what they had now?

Closing her eyes against the images swimming in her mind, she opened the vein of thought she'd been avoiding, the one that led to doubts, hurt, and more fear. Naruto could have anyone. It was obvious to anyone but Naruto that Hinata still harbored some feelings for him, whatever they were. While he was loud, brash, and definitely annoying at times, he was also steadfast, loyal, and strong -- stronger in heart than anyone she had ever known.

Why would he choose her? After all of these years, after everything he'd been through, after knowing that she could be selfish, had treated him cruelly, and was sometimes too demanding (and it hurt to dissect her own faults), why did he still carry feelings for her that went beyond friendship? 


	7. Miles Apart

_Note: This chapter is kind of a filler, kind of character development, kind of a way to make them think a little harder. Previously, I had this split into two chapters. But a reviewer noted it would've been better put together and after considering it for a few days I agree. There's some extraneous crap I wanted to edit out of there anyway._

Sakura opened her tent to pleasantly cool air, one filled with the promise of another warm day. Moisture clung still to the ground and dampened the bare toes peeking out of her sandals. Haya was already awake at a small fire making breakfast. Iwao stood a few yards away stretching. Since the last team member's tent was unzipped, she didn't think he was inside, but wasn't sure where he'd gotten off to.

"Good morning, Sakura. Do you like coffee?"

Lifting a hand in greeting, she yawned and took a moment to stretch her back.

"I'm not sure _like_ is the term I'd use," she said to her feet. "But I'd appreciate some, thanks."

"How do you take it?"

"Do we have a little sugar?" She rose, wincing at the crackle-pop of her spine.

"I brought some. Many missions with cranky nin taught me coffee supplies are a must in the morning."

She laughed, but knew it to be true. Sleep clung like a fog to her mind and her muscles were relaxed and keen on the tent where her bedroll lay. If they hadn't been relative strangers (and Haya so nice), she might not have tried so hard to reign in her own morning monster.

Sleep had been restless, peppered with thoughts of Naruto when she was awake and littered with dreams of him when she was asleep. She steadfastly refused to give them voice outside the sanctuary of her tent. More attention would encourage more thought -- all of which would lead to more embarrassment.

If dreams were any indication, tucked away in some forgotten corner of her mind, lived a very uninhibited Sakura with a libido the size of Ino's ego.

Closing her eyes, she bit her lip and tried to run boring medical calculations through her mind. It wasn't helping as much as she wanted it to. Little naked Naruto's kept popping up between equations and forcing her to dispatch little fully-clothed Sakura's to knock them into oblivion; but they kept coming back.

"Here you go."

Nearly jumping, her eyes popped open to find Haya in front of her with a cup. Watching the generous steam rise, she mentally berated herself for letting Naruto distract her to the point where she hadn't even noticed the approach of her own teammate.

Taking it, she murmured, "Thanks."

"Saki is out getting more water and scouting. He's good at that."

Nodding, she gingerly sipped at the hot liquid and swirled the bitter tang around on her tongue before swallowing.

Her face must have shown how strong the coffee was without intending to because Haya said, "Is it bad? Too strong?"

"What? Oh, no. No, it's very good." Maybe that was pushing it, but she didn't want to give him the wrong impression or hurt his feelings.

"Oh, great. I thought maybe it was too bitter." His boyish relief took the edge off her thoughts, brought her back to the moment.

Whatever the mission brought, at least the company was pleasant.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

To say that Naruto was making his friends, possibly even the entire village, crazy would've been an understatement. He knew it, but being aware of it couldn't change the reality of Sakura having been gone for four days now or his quickly dwindling patience -- if he'd had much to begin with.

Tsunade wasn't of any help. She kept saying 'She'll be back when she gets back,' and this last time 'Now get the hell out and don't come back unless I call for you!'.

The audible sigh beside him pulled his attention from his own glum reflection in his third empty ramen bowl. He couldn't tell if it was the company his friend was lamenting, or problems of his own. With Shikamaru, it could be as simple as... well, nothing.

"We've been doing this same thing everyday, twice a day, since Sakura left. I almost wish she'd give you a mission so I can do something more productive."

Naruto smirked. "Like what? Watch clouds?"

"Better than mooning over a troublesome woman."

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

The glare should've knocked him off the stool and buried him under six feet of soil.

Shikamaru took a moment, face twisting until it looked like he'd swallowed a bitter lemon whole. "No."

"Well... Then why are you hanging out with me instead of Ino?"

Another sigh. "She's mad at me."

"When isn't she?" Naruto asked, though it was clear it was more a statement than a question.

"Good point. But whatever. I'm not mooning. I'm laying low. And keeping you company while you moon."

Naruto flicked chopsticks at a passing nin. The nin stopped, turned, and shot him the finger before continuing on. While he'd never been above pranks growing up (sometimes it was the only way to get someone's attention), it was a testament to just how restless he was when he hoped it caused a brawl.

"Kiba's never going to stop hating you if you don't quit doing shit like that."

The grin he flashed Shikamaru was almost feral. "I know. He expects it. It makes his life more exciting."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, but didn't comment.

"Anyway, I'm not mooning. I'm just sick of waiting. She's almost been gone a week."

"Four days," his friend corrected.

Naruto dropped his head onto the counter with a little more effort than he meant to. Rubbing the aching spot, he said, "Long enough. Too long if you ask me."

"Not that it matters if I do or not. You're going to tell me regardless."

Whatever he would've said in reply was lost as a man slammed his hands down on the counter in front of them. "Hey! You're taking up two perfectly good seats. Buy something or go away."

"All right, all right. I don't want anymore of your ramen anyhow," Naruto said, slapping money onto the counter before rising and sticking his tongue out at the shop owner's back.

Shikamaru shook his head, but Naruto caught a small grin before his friend lifted his fact to the sky and scowled.

"What?"

"You can tell it's summer these last few days. I can't believe it was raining before."

"Yeah, it's pretty hot."

"Weather is like women," Shikamaru muttered.

He lifted his arms above his head, stretching. "How so?"

The Shadow Master snorted and shot him a look. "What do you mean, how so? It's unpredictable no matter the forecast, temperamental, and unforgiving. And it doesn't give a damn if you suffer."

Naruto had to agree with some of the assessment. Sakura was definitely given to changing moods far too rapidly sometimes. But he couldn't imagine her not caring. It was part of who she was, what she did as a med-nin. There were days he'd seen her care _too_ much. And worried that she was going to suffer herself for it.

He had done a lot of thinking over the last four days, more than he would've liked, and had come to the understanding that if it hadn't mattered to her, if _he_ hadn't mattered, Sakura wouldn't have ran. There was a small victory in there somewhere, though it didn't curb his impatience. Maybe, it even enhanced it.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, unaware he was mimicking Shikamaru's posture, he walked along in silence. These many days later he still couldn't say exactly what had given him the courage to show her his true feelings. He'd held them back for so long, certain she didn't care for him that way -- countless rejections proved it so.

Sakura to him was more far reaching than becoming Hokage. He'd have done anything for her, would still. Sometimes he even thought he'd give up the dream of one day being the protector of Konoha if it meant having her. Hell, if it mattered to her still, he'd continue searching for Sasuke, follow any rumor, any whisper of a sighting to the ends of the earth if he had to.

Somewhere along the way, finding Sasuke again, bringing him back had become for both of them; because even now he couldn't imagine giving up his friends, turning his back on his village, for a vendetta. Itachi was dead, had been for a long time, but Sasuke wasn't home and he knew that the man who'd ceased being a boy long before adulthood had lost himself in the fight -- maybe he _couldn't_ come back.

Wanting to distract himself from thoughts of Sasuke, he looked at Shikamaru. "Where are we going?"

"Cloud watching."

"Boring! I'd rather spar."

"I know it kills you to sit still for any length of time, but this might be good for you."

He failed to see how. What good was laying around going to do? It only gave him more time to think. Besides that, he preferred action to sitting on his hands, always had. Where Shikamaru was a thinker, he was a doer. Maybe it'd got him in trouble more often than it should have, but he couldn't change that; he felt better when he was doing _something_, no matter how small.

"Yeah, maybe if I want to take a nap. Maybe'll drop in on Tsunade."

"She's going to kick your ass through a few walls if you don't leave her alone."

"I'll wear her down. Eventually." Though he really wasn't optimistic. The damn woman had held out for four days now.

"She's one of the Legendary Sanin. Somehow I don't think so.'

He kicked a stone in his path, felt a sudden swell of frustration. "Crap. You're probably right. She has to deal with that pervert Jiraiya all the time. She's built up tolerance."

Though he would never admit it aloud, he admired his former teacher for how easily and skillfully the experienced nin riled the Hokage almost to the point of blind rage. It was gratifying to witness, even if it didn't result in the intended goal.

Stretching his arms above his head, Naruto grinned. "Oh, what the hell. Let's go cloud watching."

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Soaked and bordering on travel worn, Sakura and the others made their way into the village. Though she was looking forward to a bath, the Hidden Waterfall's tunnel entrance wasn't how she'd wanted to get it. Her skin puckered with the after-effects of the chilled water and she rubbed her arms briskly while envying the others their long sleeves.

None of the Waterfall's nin came to meet them, but she could tell they were being watched. They were easily identifiable with their Leaf forehead protectors and it was common knowledge that Konohakagure and Takikagure were allied. Naruto, being Naruto, was largely responsible when they'd accepted a mission to help the village's leader Shibuki.

Naruto's heart knew no capacity for caring -- it was one of the things she loved about him. If possible, he would have taken care of the entire world.

They traveled into the heart of the city, crossing a bridge to take them over the river dissecting Hidden Waterfall. Shibuki's residence was near the center of the second half. It was probable he would meet them before they even arrived. Word of their presence was bound to travel from sentry to sentry until it met with the leader's ears.

Somewhere to her left, a stomach growled. Amused, she looked to Haya with a smile. Ducking his head, the nin rubbed at the back of his neck. When he chanced a glance at her, she saw his face was pink.

She couldn't swallow the smile. "Don't worry, Haya, I'm hungry too."

"We all are," Saki agreed. "And I'm looking forward to sleeping in an actual bed."

Though she didn't admit it aloud, Sakura was too. Almost five days of lumpy grounds and thin tent walls wore on a person quickly.

For his part, Iwao said nothing. He wasn't overly talkative and rarely spoke unless he needed to relay orders. Sakura supposed that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, though she wasn't able to remain that silent for long. It made her feel isolated and more than a little restless.

Shibuki met them before they reached the path leading to his house. Though she sensed his puzzlement, he was smiling in welcome and seemed relaxed. It'd been a while since she had seen him, nearly ten years, but she though he'd changed little.

"Sakura-san, welcome to Takikagure. It's been awhile." He nodded to the others. "You must be tired and hungry. Let me set you up with lodging and then we can talk about why you're here."

"Thank you, Shibuki-san."

"Oh, just call me Shibuki."

"Only if you call me Sakura."

He laughed. "Same Sakura I remember from all those years ago."

She feigned annoyance. "Well, I certainly hope that _some_ things have changed." _God, yes, they better have._

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Sunlight sifted through the branches of the monstrous tree sheltering the entire village from view. It struck the water, leaving a greenish-blue sheen. Sakura stared at her reflection in the ripples, idly wondering if she should cut her hair again. Mostly, it got in her way, and she found herself pulling it out of her face with distracted annoyance. It was an infection hazard in open wounds and a pain in the ass otherwise.

Raising her eyes, she shielded them with one hand and flattened her lips into a thoughtful line as she examined the distant entrance to the Hero Water Shrine. Two guards stood on either side of the bridge at the distant shore. Knowing it was useless until they met with Shibuki again, she didn't even consider crossing.

Tsunade didn't always share her thoughts with her apprentice, and this time was no exception. What the Hokage wanted with the Hero Water, knowing its properties, she could only guess. It was doubtful she wanted it for her own use. Her teacher already had plenty of strength. Maybe for research?

Medical jutsu were constantly being improved. Some of her own time went to studying scrolls and correcting or altering jutsu to suit their current needs. New dilemmas presented themselves one in a while, though it was more routine than extraordinary.

Whatever her plans, Tsunade never did anything without reason, even if the reason was skewed. Brilliant though she was, the Hokage was also complicated -- addicted to gambling and drinking, famous for shirking paperwork unless prodded by Shizune or pawned off on Shizune.

"Brilliant, isn't it?"

Having sensed his approach, Sakura remained still. "It is. It's amazing that it gives life to something that also takes it."

Shibuki was quiet as he stepped next to her. She could guess at his thoughts, certain he was remembering his father. Some strength came with a price. Maybe it was natures way of balancing.

"But you didn't come all this way to talk about the village."

Reaching into her pack, she passed him a scroll. "The Hokage put her request in there."

Shibuki took it and began to open.

"You might want to wait until the rest of the team is with me."

He smiled as he unrolled it completely. "You're the Hokage's apprentice, right? I'm sure she trusts you. I trust you," he added as he began to read.

Miles away, even in the land of the Hidden Waterfall, her name was connected to Tsunade. Was there no one that _didn't_ know? Did _he_ know? The thought made her uneasy, pulled at old wounds better forgotten. Shifting away from Shibuki, she folded her arms.

Had it really been almost ten years since they'd come here? The three of them, still a team, still lost in youth and dreams and ridiculous needs. In the end, had it been worth it? None of them were where they had thought they would be, who they thought they would be. And sometimes she couldn't help but wonder why he never came back.

Alone in the dark with her thoughts, night pressing in as dawn felt miles away, she still considered it. What she would say, how she would feel. But so much time had passed and she'd seen Naruto fail too many times at his promise to her, hurt too much for it, that she didn't think she could forgive Sasuke if she saw him again.

Had he accomplished all of his goals? Killed Orochimaru and Itachi, but for what? To lose everything he could've had and everyone who cared for him? The backlash was too harsh, too steep, to her way of thinking. And thinking about it raised old frustrations mingled with fresh anger and stale feelings.

"I don't know if I agree with this..." He paused, drawing her attention to him. "But I know the Hokage isn't rash when it comes to decisions like this. So..."

"I know she'll accept full responsibility, Shibuki. Don't feel like any of it's on you if there's a bad outcome."

He dropped his eyes to the water where hers had earlier lingered. "I don't think I can help that."

"I guess in your place, I'd probably feel the same."

You'll be leaving first thing in the morning?"

She nodded, not looking forward to more time spent in a tent. This part of being a kunoichi was more pain than martyrdom.

"I'll get it for you and have it ready then."

"Thank you, Shibuki."

The quick clench in her gut told her that the tent wasn't the only thing she wasn't looking forward to. A little over a week didn't seem like enough time to mull the situation over. She hadn't come to any conclusions about Naruto, except that she loved him too much to make light of his feelings for her or hers for him.

_You're going to have to come up with something sooner or later. Naruto's going to find you when you get back... Maybe even be mad for the way you took off._

And she supposed she couldn't blame him, but not everyone was as brave as he was. 


	8. Breaking Me Down

Heart pounding, Sakura awoke with a painful snap, hands clawing at an invisible foe. She fumbled with the zipper of sleeping bag, coughing and struggling to see in the darkness through the film of moisture in her eyes. Kicking it aside, she showed less restraint with the tent and tore it in two. As it fell behind her, she pitched forward onto her arms and took in greedy swallows of air -- only to find it was just as thick with smoke.

It felt like someone was grabbing a hold of her lungs and squeezing, her throat as raw as if she had swallowed razor blades. Panic seized what was left of rational thought and she pushed to her feet, looking around wildly. The tents were on fire, the grass a circle of hellish light as it greedily tore through the foliage, heading for the trees and anything else it could find to feed on.

Pressing her hand to her mouth, she ducked her head and moved in the opposite direction. The rough ground bit into her bare feet, and she stumbled, falling to her knees. Behind her, she could hear someone shouting, but couldn't make out the words through the roaring in her ears. It was painful to breathe still, but the oxygen rich air outside the heat of the blaze was clearing her head and the mantra of any medical-nin kept pounding through her mind: _stay uninjured or you can't help the others_.

"God, what am I going to do?" The words came out barely a whisper, before she was shrugging off the sharp pains in her chest and turning back.

From out of the smoke, a figure was running in her direction, arms waving as they weaved a shaky path. Training put her on guard, but the healer in her won and she made herself meet the person half-way, glad she did when she recognized Haya. The right side of his face was red, as if he was out in the sun too long, but it was his arms, both burnt down to the muscle that gave her a swift kick to the guts.

"Haya!" Voice stronger now, she caught him as he nearly barreled through and wrestled him to the ground. She recognized the glazed, wide cast to his eyes, as impending shock and oxygen deprivation. Since he wouldn't quit struggling, she did the only thing she could think of: she sat on his chest, grabbed his arms, and began infusing her own chakra into the wounds.

The pinched expression was leaving his face, but in the light from the fire she could see he wasn't entirely in control of himself. But the others... She couldn't coddle him now, not if it was possible to save Saki and Iwao.

Jerking him up, face so close she could feel the heat of his burn and smell the smoke that clung to clothes, she snapped, "The others! Haya! Are they alive?" He blinked, once, sleepily, as if caught up in a nightmare and she slapped him, wincing as she did. "Hayabusa!"

"S-Sakura... Nothing I could do. They were already dead..." His hands came up to wrap around her arms, smearing soot into her skin.

Closing her eyes against the pain she felt at the loss of their lives, she turned her attention to the fire. It was impossible. Neither of them knew water jutsu and at the rate it was spreading, it was going to be too late to save anyone else. Hopelessness swept through her and her thoughts spiraled into one another as she scrambled for any way to reverse it.

Something worked loose inside her, pressing painfully, as if her mind were splitting in two. "_Wake up!_"

The scene melted away, and she found herself standing in a clearing, a few feet from the campsite. Each tent was intact, but the bodies of her teammates lay outside, as if strewn about carelessly by a child's hand. Shock slammed her heart into her throat as took a step forward, reaching out with her chakra to see if any of them were alive. A heartbeat, barely, by Haya's tent had her trying to clear the haze of the genjutsu from her mind.

It had felt so real... _No._ Shaking her head, she clenched her fists and put herself in the moment, away from the horror of a tragedy that hadn't even occurred.

Sensing no immediate danger, wondering why one of those bodies wasn't hers, she hurried to where Haya lay and knelt down. As she began to heal him, feeling the tears in his muscles, the bruises in his organs, begin to knit she hoped with everything she had that it wasn't too late.

Drawing a hand across the moisture on her forehead, she drew back after a time and sat down hard on her butt, trying to catch her breath. It had taken a strangely large amount of her chakra to repair him, making her believe his injuries had been far-reaching and beyond her detection. Though that was rarely the case since her years of experience mounted, she supposed it wasn't prudent to be arrogant. Not when two men lay dead beside her.

"Sakura?"

Pushing aside her black thoughts, she felt a brief surge of joy as Haya rolled over and smiled up at her. Helping him to sit up, she watched his face contort as he took in Iwao and Saki. Knowing he was a decent person, and sensing over the days spent with him that he was sensitive to others, she reached out and put her hand on his back.

"What... What happened?"

Counter-productive though it was, guilt gripped her. "I don't know..."

"Oh my god... The Hero Water? That's why they attacked us, isn't it?" He leaned forward, gripping her shoulders tightly. "Sakura, you still have it, right?"

"Haya!" She pushed him away from her. "You're hurting me." Rubbing her shoulders, her gaze narrowed in on his face, wariness having her ask, "Why does that matter? Saki and Iwao are dead."

Sighing, Haya dropped his chin and made circles in the dirt with his fingers, before raising his head, something ugly twisting through his expression. "Do you know how patient I've been over this last week? How hard it was to play such a simplistic fool?"

Sakura was up and on her feet, backing away. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't be stupid. I'm not interested in wasting anymore of my time." And before she could react, his hands shot out and she found herself caught and lifted, invisible strings cutting into her skin with the threat of drawing blood. "I'm not about to let you get anywhere near me with your impressive strength."

Mind working furiously, she bent and twisted, testing the binding.

"Don't try to break free. You can't. They're chakra ropes, and right now they're siphoning away what's left of yours."

He was right. She could feel herself growing slowly weaker, and knew she had to stall him somehow. There had to be a way out of this. It was just going to require her brain, not strength.

"Why did you do this?"

"Why do anything?" He approached, smoothing a finger down the side of her face, stopping at the pulse hammering away in her neck, before clenching her chin in his hand and forcing her face close to his. "Silly woman. Haven't you figured it out? You have the Hero Water."

Anger and fear warred within her for dominance. "You could've just taken it from me! You didn't have to kill them to get it! I would've let you have it."

"Yes... You're primary function is to preserve life. A waste of time, if you ask me." He stepped away from her, watched her hanging in the air impassively. "Where is it?"

"Tell me why you killed them first."

"Because I like you, I'll humor you."

This was what he called 'like'? Deceiving them all, making friends of them all, only to kill them? And all for what, some stupid water that promised to give an increase in chakra, but at the cost of your life?

"It was for fun."

Disbelief tore through her, and she choked out, "Fun? You ended the lives of two good men for _fun_?" The last ended on a near-shout, her voice wavering with the effort it took to hold back her disbelief.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand, not someone who values worthless lives. I had made up my mind to spare you by leaving you in the genjutsu while I found the Hero Water, you surprised me by breaking out of it. So... I suppose I'll have to kill you too." He looked behind him. "But first, the water."

"Why don't you just go get it out of my tent?"

"Nice try. You know I've already searched it, or we wouldn't be standing here having this stupid conversation. I'm assuming then, it's either on you, or you've hidden it. Don't make me search you..." The menace in his tone, the glitter of something dark and unpleasant in his eyes, chilled her.

As more and more of her chakra bled away, Sakura tried not to become frustrated. It was beginning to seem as hopeless as the fire in the genjutsu. How was she going to break the bonds if she couldn't use her hands? He seemed to be exerting hardly any effort to hold her in place and she couldn't see where the ropes were anchored, if they even were. This was where having teammates came in, why they were taught from the academy that going in alone was dangerous and almost always resulted in death.

"Sakura? I'm not going to wait here until dawn. Don't make me hurt you."

Closing her eyes to block him out, she worked to concentrate what was left of her chakra. If she could only... Movement pressed them in further, breaking skin, and she clenched her teeth at the resulting sting.

"Now look what you've done. I told you it's useless. You need a teammate to break those. Oh... Silly me. I killed them, didn't I?"

Fury at his words had her opening her eyes, and then helpless fear tumbling after as he walked to her again, taking the fabric of her shirt in his hand. There was a lazy ease in his stance, an obvious triumph in his face. And when unnaturally warm fingers slipped inside to press against the swell of her breast, she felt a flash of pain and then weightlessness, as she went tumbling to the ground.

Rolling into a crouch, hating the way her legs trembled beneath her, she damned the loss of the pouch holding all of her kunai.

"What in the hell...?" She watched Haya, or who she _thought_ was Haya, step back and become guarded. His bewilderment told her they weren't alone, though she couldn't feel the imprint of another. What was more, it was obvious by his reaction that this hadn't been planned.

"I thought something like this would've been beneath you, Toumichi."

Toumichi jerked as if he'd been slapped, a strange, crazed expression twisting his features. Not understanding what was happening, Sakura kept her palm pressed to the ground for support, ignoring the blood seeping between her fingers and mixing with the disturbed soil. Whatever was left of her strength, she wasn't going to fall without fighting to keep standing.

"What are you waiting for? She obviously can't resist you, not after you've siphoned away most of her chakra."

The darkness seemed to dissolve, as if bowing to the will of the voice, and when he stepped out, dark hair, dark eyes, and an impossibly blank face, she felt a physical jolt and was unable to keep herself from losing her balance. Everything flooded back without warning; emotions, memories, Naruto's face... bandaged and promising _"I'll bring him back, Sakura-chan. I promise." _

Not again. There was no way she could get out alive now. So she did the only thing that she could think of; she reached into her shirt, pulled out the small vial of Hero Water, and drank it while Toumichi and Sasuke watched. 


	9. All or Nothing

**Author's Note:** I do believe it's been over a year since I've written on this! It doesn't feel that way though, lol. It's crazy how fast time passes. A little scary too. I've been thinking of this story a lot lately and I think I'm going to try to work through the plot idea I had and maybe get somewhere. It's only taken five years to do it, hahahaha! 

I see nothing in your eyes,  
And the more I see the less I like  
Is it over yet?  
In my head?

I know nothing of your kind,  
And I won't reveal your evil mind  
Is it over yet?  
I can't win

So sacrifice yourself  
And let me have what's left  
I know that I can find  
A fire in your eyes  
I'm going all the way  
Get away, please

You take the breath right out of me  
you left a hole where my heart should be  
You've gotta fight just to make it through  
Cause I will be the death of you

~Breaking Benjamin - Breathe

The water slid down effortlessly, cool still, despite being pressed against her own warm skin for so long. Sakura half-expected it to do something dramatic immediately and through the fear and pain, felt a small trickle of foolishness when nothing happened. Whatever Toumichi's reaction to her own action was she didn't know because every drop of energy she had left was riveted on the man-boy in front of her: boy, because she couldn't reconcile the person who stood in front of her with the one in her memory, and man, because the last of youth had given way to the harsh, mature edges of adulthood.

Nothing shifted in his face. She could no more read him now than she could then.

One word, "Stupid," and he moved forward, bending down in front of her. She felt herself tense, ready for anything, and then his eyes met hers, slicing into her with an intensity that made her want to cringe and shy away. "Don't, whatever you're planning. It's a waste of what energy you have left and it will likely kill you."

His hand closed over the empty vile, and it was gone, spirited away into his robes.

Jerking her chin in a useless, childish gesture, she fought against the rising indignation. "I know it. It was better than letting either of you have it."

It was there and gone, a twisting of the lips signaling a smile she wouldn't have believed if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.

"Same Sakura. You haven't changed at all. Still sacrificing yourself when it's not necessary, proving you have no more sense than Naruto."

This time anger flooded through her, quick and hot and lethal, giving her the push to rise to her feet. "Don't you dare speak of him! Never again! You have no right to even say his name!"

As if someone had grabbed a hold of her and pulled her forward, Sakura felt the outburst cost her and was helpless to stop the fall. He caught her easily, hands on her shoulders, burning their way through her skin and her face collided with his chest. And all she could think was that his smell hadn't changed, that it sucked her in and bombarded her with memories she wanted no part of.

_Stupid, stupid, Sakura, you are so stupid!_

Tears gathered as her eyelids slid shut of their own violation. It was like being a puppet, having no control over her own movements, her thoughts the last thing she could claim ownership of. It left her with a sense of hopelessness and defeat she wished she didn't have to acknowledge.

Maybe Sasuke was right, as he had so often been in the past. She had given up everything for nothing. She would die here, and Sasuke and Toumichi would live on to do whatever it was they were going to do and she couldn't even warn Tsunade that the Uchiha heir was alive. And Naruto... She would never see him again.

"You should have trusted me, Sakura." His voice was warm against her ear, and strangely, instead of comforting, it left her feeling like a thousand of Shino's bugs were etching a path in her skin.

If she'd had the ability, she would've laughed. Trust, Sasuke? If she thought him capable, Sakura might have accused him of joking.

"Use your brain. Obviously this situation is not favorable to Toumichi. His fear of me is evident, thereby telling you we are not on the same side."

"How... How the hell do you even begin to think I would... Trust you?" The effort it took to talk had fear licking through her again in hungry strokes, and for the first time the consequences of drinking the Hero Water were a reality.

"Stop talking." He didn't move, and yet she sensed his attention had shifted and his next words, "Don't move," were not for her.

A slight tilt of his head and they were surrounded by Nin. She felt their chakra--powerful, far more lethal than Toumichi, but nothing compared to Sasuke. The immense depth of his strength, of his abilities, were like a long, dark well. She couldn't find the bottom. It drove the fear higher and she almost wished the sleepiness would overpower her and take it all away.

_No! Don't think that way. You're not a coward! You have to do something while you still can!_

It came in a rush. An uprising of strength and energy that nearly left her skin crackling. Elation tore through her and she braced herself to break away from Sasuke and make what was possibly her last and only stand. Here and now was where she could make Tsunade and Naruto proud, if only to do what no one else had done: Rid the world of Sasuke and keep Konoha safe.

_Wait! Don't let him know... Stay limp... Be patient!_

"Sakura..." His voice was so soft, almost like the caress of a lover or the regard of a friend. "Don't. It's all you have keeping you alive. Don't make me have to hurt you."

_He knows!_ Even realizing it, she ignored his advice and tore away, readying herself. Sasuke wasn't the only one different, the only one with secrets. He had no idea of the chakra she had worked so hard to amass. Her hands weren't only for healing and if necessary, she was prepared to lose her own life in an attempt to tear him to pieces.

_Wait... Don't forget what you once felt-_

She cut the voice off, shoving away any decent memory or feeling she'd once had for him. Her loyalty was to the people who had stayed behind, to the people who had died for Konoha's livelihood. First and foremost, she was a Kunoichi, had made that choice a long, long time ago and had quickly learned the price of that choice.

At her obvious aggression, the Nin began to move forward, only to stop with the raising of Sasuke's hand. "Leave her to me. Take care of Toumichi."

Though his tone hadn't changed, she felt a chill work through her at the finality of his words, at the ease and carelessness of it. Toumichi wasn't worthy of life, having killed her teammates, but she would have taken him back to Tsunade for questioning, not killed him. Still, she couldn't take her focus away from Sasuke to find out what was going on behind her.

_You're thinking too much! Just do it!_

His eyes were on her again, and she couldn't help but falter.

_What makes you think you can do it if Naruto couldn't all those years ago?_

Sakura ground her teeth together until her jaw screamed for relief. It wasn't going to do her any good to think that way, not at this point. It was all or nothing.

"You know I can't just let you go, Sasuke. One of us is going to have to die here."

"No." He sounded so certain. The arrogance of it frankly pissed her off. Sasuke had always been this way, always thought his opinion the most important. In this instance, Sakura knew she was right, but that didn't mean she could blindly charge him without a plan.

_Think, think! You're going to waste your chance!_

"I'm offering you the chance to use what energy you have to concentrate on surviving versus wasting it on trying to kill me. Don't be foolish. You can't succeed with the later."

_Bluff!_ "Don't be so certain. It's been a long time since we've seen each other." _Too long._

"Your chakra is impressive, Sakura, but it's not enough. Because Toumichi took most of it, this Hero Water has only given you a small boost where you might actually have stood some chance before."

Despite her efforts, she wasn't able to hide that from him. It shouldn't surprise her, given how little she knew of him now, but it did. She didn't have time to waste on the emotion, however, because she had to figure out what she was going to do; believe he truly wanted to help her and go with him, or trust her instincts and give it her best attempt to kick his ass.

What choice did she honestly have? "You know I can't trust a thing you say, Sasuke."

She didn't wait. She didn't let him answer, didn't give him a second to take in her words. A moment, and she felt herself move, Naruto swimming in her vision before she blinked and all that she could see was Sasuke standing in front of her for the last time.

"You give me no choice then..." And the regret in his tone, his face, almost had her faltering through her resolve.

It hadn't mattered. None of it. Whatever he truly meant, he was right about one thing: everything she had worked for, everything she had struggled through and gained, was for nothing.

Warm fingers slid around her neck, and the last thing she heard before darkness rushed up to swallow her, was her name.

**Author's other note:** Oooooo, dramatic. What can I say, I like drama. Naruto was a very dramatic series and I am not going to pass up the opportunity to capitalize on that! Way too fun.

After over a year, I hope this latest chapter wasn't too disappointing! Hopefully I can get out the next soon.


	10. A Matter of Life and Death

Author's Note: I actually hadn't planned on writing this so soon. But I'm on-call for work until 1AM and I can't sleep very well when I'm on-call. So I sat down and started writing and well, here we go! It's after 1AM now, but I'm not done and I want to finish this. Slow plot advance, but an advance nonetheless!

A yawn preceding him, Naruto entered the open door only to find he wasn't the first one there. Puzzled, he settled for shoving his hands in his pockets as he tried to ignore the irritated rumble of his empty stomach. The sun was barely rising above the stone faces of the Hokage's, the sheets on his bed were still warm from the imprint of his body and his pillow heavy from the weight of his dreams, and it was too damn early to look at a face as sour as Tsunade's.

"What the hell is going on?" It was more a lazy question than a demand.

Whether she knew it or not, for once, Tsunade didn't rise to the bait. "Close the door, Naruto."

It was her tone that did it. It brushed away the last cobwebs of sleep clinging to his brain, had him obeying without question.

The click of the door seemed abnormally loud in the small space of the room. An unusual silence hung on the air, leaving it thick and heavy. Something like dread tickled the corner of his mind as he scanned the room and stopped when he saw Kakashi lounging in a corner. A lounging Kakashi was always deceptive. His former Sensei rarely let on about the seriousness of the situation; he didn't have any need to when his presence spoke it far too loudly and far too clearly for Naruto.

The Hokage rose and walked a quick path, back and forth, in front of her desk before speaking. That she was too disturbed to be superior, looming at them all from her chair, made him forget how hungry he was, made him forget everyone else was in the room but the two of them.

"It's Sasuke."

He blinked, couldn't help it. Trust Tsunade to skip the gentle introduction of such a provocative topic.

"What do you mean... 'it's Sasuke'? Did you find him?" He added, not liking the quick catch in his stomach. It said too much. It revealed what he'd never wanted to admit to Sakura. That a part of him--a secret, selfish, small part--hoped maybe he wouldn't find Sasuke after all.

She paused to lean on her desk, eyes on the floor. "Not exactly."

When he would have asked, Kakashi roused himself and said, "He found us."

When Kakashi didn't elaborate, restless, he swung and scanned the faces of his peers. The only one looking at him was Shikamaru; steadily and patient, his friend's expression everything he wasn't at this moment. They weren't telling him something. Or they were; they were trying to figure out _how_ to tell him.

"Okay... So what does that mean then?" He asked, surprised he could hear himself above the pounding of his heart.

"Sasuke is in the Sound, Naruto. And he wants us to go there." Tsunade again.

"You're being pretty damn cryptic here. Why the hell is Sasuke in the Sound and _why_ would he want us to go there?" The Sound. Why hadn't he guessed? Or had he always known and in doing so avoided it? "What does this have to do with me and _them_?" He added, pointing to his friends.

Tsunade exchanged glances with first Shizune and then Kakashi. Naruto could feel frustration gripping him, loosening his tongue. If any of them had any inkling of how difficult it was for him to hold back now, they might've been impressed. As it was, he was seconds away from rushing the Hokage and shaking the answer out of her.

A breath, and then, "Okay, I'm just going to say it outright, Shizune. I don't care what you say. There's no point in it." Facing Naruto fully, she laid it out in terse, bare tones. "Sasuke has Sakura in the Sound. He wants us to come and get her. I'm forming a team and you're on it. You probably have a million questions right now, but I don't have time to answer any of them. Sakura's life depends on it."

Briefly, as it all sank in leaving a numb sort of disbelief, she pressed her fingers to her forehead and continued, "I sent her on a mission. It was simple. Get the Hero Water from Shibuki in the Hidden Waterfall and bring it back to me. I had a use for... Well, Sasuke won't tell us what happened between Hidden Waterfall and here. He'll only tell me that she drank the water, she's very sick, and we need to go to her. She's too sick to travel." She paused and it startled him to see a faint imprint of fear in her face. "It's serious, Naruto. You know what happens when the Hero Water is... The fact that Sasuke even contacted us... I can't guess at his motivations, but..."

He wasn't aware he was holding himself so stiffly until his neck spasmed in protest. Tsunade was never at a loss for words. And Sakura... What did it mean she was 'too sick to travel'? Better still, how the hell had Sasuke found her and what did he want with her?

"This mission is likely a trap."

"I understand that, Kakashi. But I can't just leave Sakura in the Sound, whatever Sasuke's intentions."

"You're the Hokage now. You have a responsibility to Konoha. You should send Shizune and stay here." His words had finality to them that Naruto was used to hearing. It didn't stave off the shock at hearing that Tsunade intended to be one of the people retrieving Sakura.

Strangely quiet, Tsunade faced him. "I have to go Kakashi. It's why I need _you_ to stay here. I need to know Konoha is in safe hands."

It was obvious to Naruto that they'd been having this same argument long before they'd let the others in.

Crossing his arms, he looked briefly to the ceiling and seemed to finally give in. " I still disagree with your decision to include Naruto on the team."

Naruto felt like a cat chasing a string as his focus went from Tsunade to Kakashi to Tsunade and back again.

"I get your reasoning, Kakashi, but you aren't standing where I am. Are you going to be the one to tell Naruto if Sakura dies? Are you going to be the one taking the responsibility for telling him you took away his last chance to see her?"

Ordinarily, Naruto would've interrupted on principle alone and demanded they quit talking around, over, and under him. He wasn't ten anymore. Little got past him these days. Kakashi knew it, Tsunade knew it, Iruka knew it. Whether it was affection for the kids they'd been, denial of aging, or just plain perversion, he couldn't guess, and usually either played along to humor them or ignored them until they finally quit jerking him around. But this time... He knew it was none of the above, and even if he'd wanted to say something, he couldn't. Someone had sewn his lips shut, replaced his insides with ice, and turned his limbs to lead.

Kakashi's one eye settled on him and it troubled Naruto further to be able to read the hesitation and worry there. The Copy Nin never worried. Or at least if he did, he never let anyone know about it.

Tsunade's back was to him and he couldn't see her expression, didn't know if he wanted to. Her words kept pounding over and over in his head like the blunt end of a hammer. Sakura was dying? How the hell could Sakura be dying? They'd been to the edge of it all so many times and survived it'd become a laugh for them. She was the only one he let tease him about having 'nine lives' because of how close to the truth that statement touched. And now she was dying because she drank some stupid water?

Anger rushed up on the heels of shock and clawed to the surface, the raw edge stirring the simmering waters of the Demon Fox to boiling. Naruto could feel **_him_** pushing to rise above, to burst from beneath his skin and overtake reason, sanity, and feeling. The ease of it, the swift desire to simply let go and relinquish control frightened him almost more than the thought of Sakura dying. The blood thirst had never been this strong in his life, not even when _**it**_ first took over, that day he'd thought Sasuke...

The trance broke and he shook his head, swinging away as Tsunade shifted to follow Kakashi's gaze. He didn't want either of them knowing how fine his hold was on the Demon Fox. Not if it meant they wouldn't let him go.

Tightening his fist until it made bloody half-moons in his palm, he was relieved when the rage subsided, so much so he barely controlled the urge to sigh aloud. When he raised his head, it was to find Shikamaru standing in front of him. He couldn't tell what Shikamaru was thinking. It wasn't hard to guess though. Still, whatever his reservations, Naruto knew that Shikamaru would go (complaining the entire way) and give everything he had if it was necessary. That was just the kind of friend he was.

His former Sensei and the Hokage were talking behind him. He didn't hear the words.

Shikamaru reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder, pressing briefly before looking over his own at the others. The relief that welled up, shattering the ice, replaced his doubt with hope and he shared a brief grin with Kiba. It wasn't amusement; there was nothing funny about it. It was Kiba's way, that arrogant smirk of a smile that said the Inuzuka didn't plan to fail, and better still, didn't think he ever would.

Naruto didn't tell them that Sakura's survival depended on Shizune and Tsunade more than the rest of them. He didn't want to admit it to himself. It felt better to be doing _something_ even if it was as ineffective as rubbing a poultice into a festering wound.

"Naruto?"

He met Tsunade's questioning eyes, his own clearer now.

"We'll leave as soon as we can get everything ready."

He nodded. No real answer was needed, and talking was only robbing them of precious time. Besides, he wasn't the only one hurting here. Sakura was the closest thing Tsunade had to a daughter (he'd heard Tsunade tell Shizune as much when neither of them thought anyone was listening) and in effect, her legacy. Everything she knew, the Hokage was putting into Sakura, one of the only Med-nins with the capability to handle it. _The only_, if anyone wanted his opinion on the subject.

A hand slapped against his back with enough force to uproot a regular man. "Just like old times, huh?"

Naruto sniffed. "Inuzuka, you stink like dog."

Kiba sneered, showing fang. "Yeah, well, at least I smell better than you. You just stink anyway."

"I'm not listening to this the entire way." Shikamaru, sounding bored, followed by the telltale shuffle of reluctant feet, settled on the other side of him.

"I'm pitching my tent away from _all_ of you," Ino interjected, not quite able to hide the quiver in her voice. It was that quiver that had Shikamaru leaving his side and going to hers.

Closing his eyes, grateful for the easy banter, Naruto wished he could relay how much this meant to him.

While Ino and Shikamaru talked in low, private words, he ignored Kiba and concentrated on Kakashi and Tsunade's talk of strategy and her reasoning for her team. As they traveled to the Sound, Kiba and Akamaru would track Sakura's scent, hoping to ward off any deception if Sasuke wasn't being truthful. Shikamaru would be their strategist, hopefully hundreds of moves ahead of Sasuke. Ino worked well with Shikamaru, but she was also training under Ibiki, and knew what was necessary to garner information from Nin if they caught any before reaching Sasuke. Shizune and Tsunade had to be protected at the cost of everything else or Sakura... And he, well, he knew why Tsunade was letting him go. Everyone in the room knew it.

He'd wanted to see Sakura again, but not like this. It hovered there, unspoken, of what would happen if they didn't make it in time. What, if anything, was Sasuke doing to keep her alive? Did he actually give a damn about her, some fondness for an old comrade, or was there another reason, as Kakashi suggested, for summoning them? Question after question surged one after the other, leaving him no closer to an answer and no less frustrated.

Sasuke. After all this time, and all these years of searching, the Uchiha revealed himself as easily as if it'd been nothing at all. Had he known they were searching for them? Had he had a good laugh, thinking about them trying to find him, holding onto a boy that no longer existed and a past that was nothing more than that: a past?

Yet... If Sasuke wasn't lying to them, then what did it mean that he'd come out of hiding to contact the Hokage in a bid to save the life of a woman he'd abandoned as surely as he'd abandoned Konoha? It meant it was too damn complicated. It meant he couldn't hate Sasuke for hurting them all because it wasn't as simple as that. Not that he'd ever actually believed it was. It'd only been easier for him to let it be that way, instead of remembering, instead of wondering, instead of chasing Sasuke's shadow as it stretched further and further away from him.

The muscles of his stomach clenched and released. What the hell was he going to say when he saw Sasuke again? And honestly, would he be able to say anything at all? 


	11. I'll Come For You

The soft sound of humming intruded, pulling her from the blackness until she could see a softly lit room through heavily lidded eyes weighed down by sleep and weakness. A faint hint of jasmine and warm linen beneath her; it reminded her of home. For a moment, Sakura smiled, remembering being younger, bursting from bed in enthusiasm of her first day at the academy. How could she ever have known it would take her here?

Wetting far to dry lips with her tongue, she wished her limbs would cooperate, and knew that Sasuke had tapped into a chakra path that left her in a deep sleep, for what possibly could have been days. Disoriented at the thought, she tried to raise her head and was thwarted when gentle hands pushed her shoulders back down.

The visage of an older woman swam in her vision and she found she could only obey as the lady wiped her brow with a wet cloth and then held her head up to drink water from a wooden ladel.

With a voice barely more than a rasp, she thanked the woman and asked, "How long?"

Smiling, the woman only nodded and turned away.

Puzzled, Sakura watched her bustle about, folding what appeared to be her clothing into a neat pile. So she hadn't been out that long. At least no longer than it took to wash and dry her clothes. And she couldn't help the small surge of satisfaction at her own strength, taught to her at the hands of a woman she respected above all others.

Tsunade. On a sigh that took more effort than she liked, Sakura wondered if she would ever see the Hokage again.

If she was honest with herself, and she rarely was anything but, she knew Sasuke had no reason to keep her alive. That he had was a mystery to her. Was there something to be gained by it? What else could it possibly be? Would his medical nins poke and prod her until they figured out how she had survive this long or find a way to utilize the Hero Water more effectively next time?

Still... Sasuke himself had seemed very adamant about the fact that it wasn't his doing, the deception of the man she'd thought harmless. It made her feel like an idiot, but she supposed anyone else would have fallen for it. How could they not have, when he'd been very, very good at acting the part? Her heart ached for the lost nin whose place the traitor had stolen.

Trusting Sasuke wasn't an option, however. He had yet to prove to her his intentions were anything near honest. Yes, he'd spared her life, but until she knew why she was going to be cautious. Especially since she was essentially bedridden.

And dying.

Closing her eyes, she struggled against the hot burn of tears that caught her off guard as she thought of everyone in the village. They would never know; where she was, how she was, how she had died... Worse still, she would never see them again. Any of them.

Throat aching with the effort it took to hold back from crying, she took a steadying, shaky breath and reminded herself that tears weren't going to do her any good. Ino wouldn't cry at a time like this. She wasn't about to let her best friend down by being a baby about it, even if Ino never knew.

Now the old woman was knitting. Sakura wondered if she was mute, or if Sasuke had ordered the woman not to speak to her. Well, it couldn't hurt to try. It wasn't like she had anything else to do.

"Where am I?"

The woman looked up from her knitting, smiled again. And looked back down.

Frustrated, Sakura wished she had the strength to throw something. As childish as the action would be, it would also have been tremendously satisfying to see the woman absorb one of her better blows.

"You're in the Sound."

Heart hammering against her chest like a frightened bird trying to get out of a cage, she hated that Sasuke could do that. She'd grown very adept at reading and detecting chakra. It galled her that she couldn't sense his, whether it was on part of her weakness or just his strength.

He had only to look at the woman and she rose, head bowed, leaving the room. Sakura didn't know why, but that irritated her too.

"The Sound... So let me guess, you're the Otokage in place of Orochimaru?"

"Why ask questions you already know the answer to? You're wasting your energy."

Gritting her teeth against the urge to say something entirely un-ladylike and insulting, she had to mentally remind herself that it would do no good to turn him against her. If she was going to die, she preferred quick and lethal to slow and torturous.

A part of her couldn't help herself though. "I'm dying, Sasuke, humor me. Why didn't you just kill me? Do you have some greater purpose for me? I suppose I would make a great experiment for your med nins."

It was there and gone, the faintest of smiles. "It's not my intention to speed along your death, Sakura, or use you in any malicious way."

How could the man manage to answer a question and yet not?

Resisting the urge to sigh, she asked, "Then why?"

"Call me sentimental."

She laughed, the sound a harsh, humorlous bark in the small space. "Sasuke, you're many things, but sentimental isn't one of them."

For a while, he studied her, until she grew uncomfortable and wanted to squirm. "No, you're right. It doesn't reward anyone to be overly attached to any one thing. That was always one of your weaknesses."

"What you call a weakness, I call a good trait!" She shot back. "To give a shit about my comrades doesn't make me a fool, it only strengthens our bonds. I know they're watching my back in battle and I know I can depend on them to keep me from getting hurt or dying."

His tone was quiet. "Weaknesses aren't necessarily a bad thing, Sakura."

Confused into silence, she said the first thing that came to mind. "I don't understand you."

"I don't understand you either."

His admission shocked her. He was like the Sasuke she remembered, and yet he wasn't. What would make him choose the Sound over Konoha? What would make him want to be Otokage? Revenge had driven him past the boundaries of friendship, the ties to loyalty... And yet, if there had ever been a chance he might be able to come back, he had forsaken it all to become a leader to these people.

What was the point in holding back, in tip-toeing around her curiosity. If she was going to die, she might as well know it all.

"Why here, Sasuke? Did having all this power mean so much to you that you would abandon us so easily?"

Something black and frightening crossed his face for a moment, and she could say she felt geniune terror at what he was possibly capable of.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, Sakura, so I will forgive you the question."

Using what strength she had, she vaulted to a sitting position. "Forgive me? I'm not the one who left us behind! I'm not the one who abandoned the people who loved you, who would have fought for you, beside you, against any enemy you had. If you had only asked..." She trailed off, bit her lip, looking away. Damn him. Damn him for tearing open old wounds and leaving them to bleed freely for him to see.

"It wasn't your fight."

Looking down at her own hands, elbows trembling with the effort to remain upright, she murmured, "That's where you're wrong. We were a team, a family. Your fight was our fight."

Didn't he understand? They would've have done anything for him. Why had he always chosen the path of loneliness, the path of solitude? So much would have been different if only he had, had the strength to ask for their help.

Looking up, she saw his eyes were distant, his attention eslewhere, as if hearing something she couldn't. Then, he turned back and looked directly at her, those eyes burning into her, burning and burning and burning until she wanted to look away.

"To answer your question, I am Otokage because there was no one else. I took their leader away. I owed it to them to replace him." Rising, he turned his back on her and headed for the door. Just as he reached it, it opened and a non-descript man appeared, bowing quickly.

"Otokage, they are here."

Sasuke only nodded. Turning back to her, he said, "You've been out for three days."

Three days? So she'd been a little more smug than she'd deserved. But more to the point, who were they?

Sakura knew it was pointless to ask. Sasuke was gone before she was even given the chance anyway. She was left alone in the room and could finally give in to weakness and collapse back onto the bed. What had she accomplished, really, by drinking the Hero Water? Reading Sasuke was hard, but his manner toward her told her he hadn't wanted it and wouldn't have used it had he taken it from her.

"Why would he," she muttered aloud bitterly, "he's strong enough not to need it. Gods, Sakura. You really did it this time." She could feel it eating away at her chakra, taking her strength little by little. Even if Tsunade were here, her mentor wouldn't be able to do anything for her. That was the point in studying the water. And she had messed that one all to hell and back.

Shifting, she turned and tried to make herself more comfortable. She wasn't used to being the invalid. It was always her hands on the other end, taking care of the wounded, the sick, the weak. At times she'd even had to heal herself. But there would be no recovering from this one.

There were suddenly voices in the hall, pulling her from her gloomy thoughts, familiar, impossible voices. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. Her breath caught, and the sudden tightness in her chest had nothing to do with her medical condition.

It seemed forever before the door opened.

_He_ was first, followed by others, but it was only him she could see in this moment. Joy, misery, confusion were a tangled mess inside her. Those eyes, so blue, were intense as they scanned her and she couldn't remember a more serious look on his face.

"Naruto," she managed, hating the breathless quality to her tone. Behind him, Tsunade and Shizune followed by Shikamaru, Ino, Kiba and... Kakashi of all people. But last, always last. Cautious to the end, her former sensei was bringing up the rear right behind Sasuke. How must that feel to him, she wondered, to finally lay eyes on his former prodigy in the form of Otokage, not only his equall but far above him.

There were so many things she wanted to say to all of them, but Tsuande was there, hands on her, quickly examining. The terse expression told Sakura it was useless to put voice to anything right now. The Hokage was not pleased; about the situation, what she saw, or a great many things, Sakura could only guess.

Rising, the Hokage's eyes cut to Shizune and they shared some secret message. Then she looked at Sasuke, hands on her hips. "We need to talk."

Sasuke only nodded.

Sakura could feel nothing but shame, knowing her mentor was displeased and disappointed in her. Why else would Tsunade say nothing, refuse to look her directly in the eyes?

Jerking a shoulder, the Hokage motioned to Shizune and Kakashi to follow her. The entire time, Naruto had stood perfectly still, saying nothing, expression unchanging. The others, as if sensing the building tension, were quick to make their exits as well. Except Ino, who ran up to Sakura and hugged her quickly.

"I'm so glad to see you, Forehead."

"Speak for yourself, Ino pig."

And then Ino was turning, hand in Shikamaru's, and they were all gone. All of them except Naurto. As if by some unspoken agreement, they were determined to leave the two of them alone.

Sakura hated the knot in her stomach, the nervous way her hands wanted to twist the blankets. She knew she looked terrible. Pale and ugly and useless. This was never a way she wanted to see Naruto. They had to be on the same terms, preferrably her a step ahead of him. It kept things safe.

Things were not safe right now.

Author note: Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope the day is enjoyable. I'm hoping to get the next chapter out fairly quickly while I'm still feeling it. Yes, I know it takes me forever between parts. I've no excuse but my muse, I'm afraid to say! It comes and goes when it wants and real life loves to get in the way. Hope you liked this!


	12. If I could Take Your Place

_"And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building,  
If I only could, oh...  
~Placebo - Running Up That Hill_

Under the surface, things moved independently of his thoughts - the Nine Tails knew more than Naruto usually let it. It was difficult to keep it locked away, shoved behind so many mental blocks and memories and emotions. There was such a tremendous anger wanting to let loose; at Sasuke, at Sakura, at fate. Too many feelings, all twisted and colliding until it was all he could not to just leave the room.

He could hardly stand to look at her, so pale and weak and small in that bed. That had never been Sakura. No matter the situation, Naruto had never seen her so frail, even if she'd had to fake it to get them to believe. And he could not seem to wrap his mind around the truth of it: that she was going to die.

All they'd been through, and a little vial of damned water was going to do her in?

Looking away briefly, because he could feel the Fox clawing to the surface, knew that his eyes would burn red as the fangs struggled to push through his gums and the lines in his face grew deeper.

Studying the pattern on the woven blinds, he closed himself off to everything for a moment and just concentrated on breathing. The slow in and out of an act so simple, yet so complex, to sustain life. It brought a smile to his face, if only for a second, to remember Sakura's lecture on just how important breathing really was and just how complicated.

It bothered him, this lack of control around her. What if he couldn't keep the Fox at bay one time and he hurt her. No, wait, what was he thinking? There wasn't going to be _another_ time. She was dying.

Dying. Gods he hated that word. How many people had they lost that mattered? But the one laying in that bed... Never mattered more to him. Funny, how a simple crush had grown into something to deep it had grown roots and cemented itself deep within him.

Love. There'd been a few girls, but never for very long. His heart belonged to Sakura and he didn't know if he'd ever be able to break free of the hold she had on him, not even in death.

Hands at his sides, fisting, he spoke in the stark silence for the first time. "If I could trade places with you... I'd do it, Sakura."

Still, he didn't turn back, couldn't trust himself to. Instead he counted the weaves in the blind and wished she'd say something to him. Anything. It seemed like a year since he'd heard her voice, not only a little over a week.

"Naruto... Don't say that. Please..."

Closing his eyes, he sighed. Even her voice wasn't the same.

Did he dare turn around? Did he trust himself? What he wanted, was to rush to the bed, grab her up, and run away. Take her away from the Sound and back to Konoha, as if that would somehow change anything. It was stupid, really, the way this place made him feel, how it made his skin crawl. And how seeing Sasuke... Hadn't hurt nearly as much as he'd thought, bothered him nearly as much as he'd expected.

Had he grown up, or was it just that Sakura was more important?

"Naruto... Would you please at least look at me? Do you hate me so much?"

Twisting quickly, he threw his arm out. "Do you really believe that, Sakura? How the hell could I hate you? I'm the one that drove you away, and now..."

She was shoving herself up in the bed, looking angry. It almost made him smile.

"Don't you dare blame yourself, Naruto. Don't make me hurt you."

He laughed, knowing it was what she wanted. But there was little humor in the act. Even he wasn't that good.

* * * *

Anxiety was light a tight fist in her gut. Sakura wasn't used to this Naruto. Maybe a part of her had always known that he lightened the situation more for others than himself, but she'd gone along with the act because it was easier for her. It was selfish, really, to have denied him the full expression of himself. But to be honest... Naruto like this scared her, scared her because he _felt_ more to her than she wanted him to.

It wasn't safe.

She wished they hadn't come, that Sasuke hadn't told them now. They were all going to have to watch her die. How fair was that to anyone? Least of all Naruto?

"Naruto..." What did she even want to say to him? What could she say? She was dying, it wasn't like regrets were even possible for her anymore. But for him... "I... Thank you for coming."

_Gods, Sakura, that's so lame._

He drew a hand through his hair, sighed. It was getting long. He needed to cut it. It reminded her of... It made him look different, more wild somehow. It suited him though.

Managing a smile she said, "I like your hair."

"Huh?" He touched it again, looked at her like he thought she was crazy.

"It suits you."

"Ah..." He appeared embarrassed. It bothered her that she thought it was cute. "I just haven't had time to cut it yet, that's all. You really like it though?"

_This is so superficial, Sakura. You're dying, idiot! Talk about things more important than hair! Like feelings!_

Biting her lip, distressed, she twisted the blanket in her and worked at it with her fingers, knowing that had she been stronger, or put more effort into it, the fabric would've been shredded.

"Naruto... I... I'm sorry I ran away. I shouldn't have. I should've talked to you." She had to be brave. Now wasn't the time to let her head bully her into keeping her mouth shut.

The intensity in his expression grew, until his eyes were darker, pulling her in. Through the cold of her condition, her fear of death, her worry at dealing with him, a warmth blossomed, spreading like a fire through her limbs until she felt weak for an entirely different reason. How in the world had she never noticed this before? Or had she, and only ignored it in favor of being _safe_; only now, at the end, did she realize that she had been losing out.

"I'm sorry I pushed you."

Her laugh was hollow. "But that's what it takes with me, doesn't it? I'm forever running away from everything. If it scares me, I can't face it. And now for what? I've wasted all of my time for nothing!"

Naruto was at her side, down on his knees, quick enough to send her breath into her throat, trapped there.

"Every moment you lived, Sakura, was worth it. Every day..." he looked down. "Every day I got to spend with you, was worth it. I just wish..." He looked up and the frustration was plain in his face.

All that she'd put him through and still he... Reaching for his hand, she was shocked by how warm it felt in her own. Was she that cold? Or he that hot?

"I would trade places with you. I would." She could see it, the anguish, feel it thick in the air. It shocked her into bringing tears to her eyes.

"Naruto you're so kind-hearted. You would give everything you had for anyone. Dammit... Why are you so _good_?"

"Sakura..."

Openly sobbing now, she couldn't help it, couldn't seem to stop it.

His hands were on her face now, wiping at her tears. And she didn't stop him when he lowered his lips to her, gentle pressure, no demand, no push. Only understanding.

"You have to know, Sakura... You have to know I love you."

He put his warm cheek against her cool one.

"Oh Gods, Naruto... What am I supposed to say to that?"

"It doesn't matter. I just can't let you go without telling you the truth. I know I've always been a pain in your ass, but what I feel for you... It was love a long time ago. You're some of the only family I have and I... I don't know how I'm going to live without you."

The brush of his lashes on her face, spurned her in motion. Her arms went up around him, though he cost her, and she reveled in the solid heat of him.

"I want to be mad at you, Sakura, but I can't. I just... I just don't..."

"I don't know if it's the same, Naruto, the same love you're looking for. But I know I love you too. If I... If I hadn't been such an idiot, maybe... Maybe we could have tried, you know?"

His breath was soft on her skin. "You're not an idiot, Sakura. You're just cautious, you always have been. I can't blame you for not wanting to get hurt, for not wanting to believe I'm anything more than I pretend to be. That's not you fault."

A hiccup and then, "Yes it is, Naruto. Because I knew. I knew and I just ignored it. I thought I had so much time. I didn't even know what the hell I was doing. The same thing, day in and out, at the hospital, like some robot. So much wasted time."

"Shh... Doesn't matter now."

And he was crawling into bed with her, lying next to her to hold her. It felt so nice. She couldn't deny it. His lean body up against hers, so long and sturdy. That was Naruto, always so steady and unchanging, there no matter what, no matter how often you pushed him away or pushed him down.

Snuggling in next to him, she didn't question whether she deserved it or not. Only soaked up the moment, because it might be the least time she got to see him. And lying to herself was no longer an option.

* * * *

Sakura hadn't expected to fall asleep. But when she woke up, disoriented, it was to find Naruto next to her, steadily watching her with his calm, dependable eyes. It brought heat into her face. Enough so that he reached out and fingered her cheek, half-grinning.

Shoving his hand away, she jerked her chin up.

"Don't be embarrassed, Sakura."

"I'm not embarrassed! You're just staring at me, that's all. It's a bit weird to wake up and find someone staring at you."

His tone was quiet. "Sorry." But she knew he wasn't.

Changing the subject, she said, "I feel a little better after sleeping."

He brushed hair from her face, reminding her that she hadn't bathed properly in days. It made her want to pull away from him, except that some part of her recognized the futility of it and kept her in place.

"I almost forgot where we are..." She looked at him. "Did you talk to Sasuke?"

He shrugged, and she could feel him tense. "Briefly."

"Naruto-"

"Sakura, I don't give a damn about Sasuke. I only wanted to find him for you. And now I see how he's been all these years, doing well, alive, and never once letting us know." The last was said bitterly, and she couldn't blame him, though she knew a part of him was lying about how much he cared.

"I guess... I guess he had his reasons. They weren't the right reasons, but... Naruto, please know, he hurt you more than he ever hurt me. And I hate him for that." She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help it.

The shock on his face bolstered her. In Sasuke, they had found family, and Naruto a brother. Whether he had admitted it to anyone or not, Sakura knew he had taken it the hardest when Sasuke left. He had been first to volunteer to go after him. For that, she knew she could never forgive Sasuke, even if their two countries formed a working relationship; which was, she guessed, what Tsunade and the others were working on.

Greedy as it sounded, she was only glad it gave her some time alone with Naruto.

Author's Note: It all sounds so easy now, doesn't it? But don't worry, it won't be easy. Muahahaha! Sakura and Naruto can't get together without more issues. This is slow goings leading up to the idea I have, but I'm getting there, I swear! I just enjoy the character development. 


	13. Out of My Hands

Naruto watched the play of Sakura's fingers on his palm, marveled in the feel of them so much smaller than his own, so steady and capable, soft where his were calloused despite all of her hard work. Amazing how something as simple as hands could secure his fascination when the situation was so much more grave. But it was like he was soaking it all up, every part of her, to remember later when...

It hurt. Hurt was such a simple word for the tearing, searing pain in his chest. Would losing her be what it felt like to have his heart ripped from his chest? Or would the physical pain be that much preferable, quicker and less brutal than reliving her death day after day?

The helpless rage clawed at him again, leaving his throat raw and his stomach roiling with the effort to hold it in. Anger wasn't going to help the situation. But dammit he felt like ripping the world apart.

"Naruto?"

His eyes immediately went to her face. Sakura had never been dark skinned, but even he could tell she was paler, her voice softer with the strain of talking, and the heat her skin should've given off less and less each minute they spent laying here.

"Sometimes... Sometimes I almost can't control it, Sakura. It wants out. Right now... Right now I could let go and probably level this village."

It didn't shock him so much as startle him as the ease with which the words tumbled out. He didn't talk about the Demon Fox. It was just understood. Somehow he'd always known Sakura had figured out a lot more than she let on, but he'd never taken advantage of that, no matter how lonely the secret got at times.

She wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were back on their hands, linked as easily as if they did it everyday. He felt the doubt settle in, the anxiety settle in his gut until it felt like he'd swallowed a ton of rock. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

"But you wouldn't. Because that's you, Naruto. That's the difference between you and everyone else."

Sakura looked at him then. Her eyes had never been clearer.

"It doesn't matter, you know. I mean... It scares me some, I can't help that. But the good in here..." She paused, pressed her hand to his chest where his heart beat, rapidly stuttering from the contact, from her words. "It won't let that Demon have complete control. And that's not who you are."

The smile came easily on the heels of relief. "Thanks..."

She sighed, left her hand where it was. "Funny how you don't realize how much time you wasted until you don't have hardly any left."

That quick clutch of panic again. "Sakura, you-"

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I really am. I honestly didn't mean to hurt anyone. I just wanted to protect you all."

The dark around her eyes was deeper. Suddenly restless, he tightened his grip on her, forced her to meet his eyes. "They all know that, Sakura. Besides, that shit doesn't matter. All that matters is..."

"I'm dying." She said what he couldn't.

Gripping her shoulders, careful not to press too hard, he pulled her around and in his lap without thinking, without waiting for permission or a sign. It was too late to be gentle now.

Desperate, he kissed her, felt her arms come up and around his neck, so cool against his own skin, swallowing her sigh and holding fast when she would have pulled back. Both of them were breathing fast, uneven, when he came up for air, pressing his forehead to hers. There were a lot of things he wanted right now, some of them wrong, and it was hard to reel himself in and remember that this had to be enough.

Her laugh was shaky as she said, "It's so funny how kissing you makes me feel like I've ran a marathon. I didn't realize that was how it was supposed to feel."

He heard them coming before the door opened, felt that quick catch of regret, knowing that what was happening here was now coming to an end. Sakura must have felt it too because she didn't attempt to move away as Tsunade, Shizune, Sasuke, and Kakashi filed into the room.

Tsunade was direct as usual. "There's something we need to talk to you about."

Though it took effort, he gave them his full attention, noting Shizune appeared unusually distressed and couldn't hold still, as if she was as restless as he felt inside. Kakashi hung back with his usual careless ease, but Naruto could tell by the way he made eye contact and then looked away that something was bothering him too. Sasuke... Naruto didn't know what the hell he thought and a childish part of him didn't give a damn.

Folding her arms beneath her chest, Tsunade pursed her lips and looked down for a moment. It made him uneasy. The Hokage was always blunt, but now she was way too serious even for her.

"What? Are you guys just going to stand there not saying anything?" He demanded, impatience pushing the words out however unwise.

The Hokage shot him a look, but surprisingly didn't scold him. "We may have found a way to save Sakura."

"Why the hell didn't you say so!" Sitting up fully, the hope of the words carrying him away, he added, "How? What do we need to do? If I can help, I'll do whatever I need to!"

Tsunade and Shizune looked at one another, and it was clear Shizune wasn't as hopeful as the Hokage was.

In his arms, Sakura was so still. It bothered him. It bothered him more when she said, "You guys... I know how this works. You can't reverse this. It's destroying my chakra from the inside."

"We might have found a way around that."

"There are no guarantees," Shizune interjected. "We don't even know if it'll work."

"We have to try," the Hokage argued. "He gets to make the choice. It's not up to us. We've been through this Shizune."

"Don't look at me like that. It's not like I don't want to save Sakura, it's just so risky."

Kakashi was rarely impatient. So that he would move from his tactical position near the door and usurp the Hokage was saying something.

"We don't have time for this. Naruto, they're talking about you. They want your chakra. No, not just your chakra. It's different, it's untested, but it heals you quickly. If we can somehow use that for Sakura-"

Sakura was up and on the edge of the bed, the movement startling him enough that he wasn't prepared to stop her. "No." Her tone was sharp, banking all argument. "What you're proposing is dangerous. I'm already dying. What if something goes wrong? What if Naruto dies too?"

"Sakura, it's up to Naruto, not you." It was Tsunade.

"No, it's not. We-"

"I'll do it."

The conversation around him halted.

"If it means Sakura might live, I'll do it."

"Naruto, you can't. I can't let you. What if-"

"Sakura, I don't care."

"That's not fair."

That helpless feeling was receding. Here he was needed, here there was something he could do. It didn't matter. Maybe the thought of death wasn't exactly welcome, even a little frightening, but if it meant saving Sakura... Well, he said he'd trade her places and he'd meant it.

Grinning, trying to ease her distress, he shrugged. "Maybe it's not fair. But it's my choice."

Panic tore at her. This was fast spinning out of control and it was ludicrous and reckless and just like something Naruto would do. She wasn't an idiot. She was a Med-nin and she understood that this was beyond experimental. A blood transfusion was one thing. But a chakra transfusion? It had never been done without serious repercussions and that it would even work... She wasn't going to gamble Naruto's life on a chance.

"Please, don't do this, Naruto. You could die too."

How was she going to make him see reason? It was obvious to her that his mind was already made up and she wasn't going to change it.

"I have to."

"No, you don't! I don't want to die, but I don't want to risk your life too!"

"Sakura, let him do what he wants. You aren't going to stop him. This is your only hope and you need to accept it."

Feeling temper get the better of her, she jerked her chin up and sent Sasuke a look filled with contempt. "You have no say in this. You forfeited that right a long time ago."

He lifted one shoulder, dropped it. "Maybe so. But has it occurred to you that you're being selfish by denying these people the chance to save you?"

Mouthing dropping open, she sputtered, "Of all the stupid-"

"He's right."

Shaking her head, she looked at Naruto, took in his resolute expression, wanted to wipe it from his face. On pure emotion, she took his face in her hands, tried to imagine living while the life went out of it. She was more afraid of losing him than of dying.

"Please..." She whispered. "Don't. Don't risk yourself for me."

There was that cocky grin again. Funny it didn't make her want to smack him like it usually did.

"Look who you're talking to. I've made it this far, what makes you think that damn Fox is really going to let me die?"

It had to cost him, to talk about curse that was forced on him, the curse that made growing up an impossible hurdle.

"I can't stop you, can I?"

"Nope."

A quick, hard nod and Tsunade was grabbing Shizune by the arm. "Come on. We've got preparations to make."

How had this gotten so far out of control? All because of her impulsive, stupid mistake.

"Sakura." He was touching her cheek, fingering it lightly, leaving a warmth that brought heat to her cheeks. "It's going to be all right. I promise you."

_I promise..._

Throwing her arms around him, pressing her face into the fabric of his shirt so that he wouldn't see the wetness in her eyes, she managed. "You'd better live up to your promise, Uzumaki Naruto. I won't forgive you if you don't." 


End file.
